Sunday's Songbird ... Put Your Records On

feels like a soulful sunday  ;-)
last day of military service is tomorrow;
so today is filled with peace, relaxation, and reflection ...
change is coming.
with my hair down and my faded jeans;
I'll find my way ... I'll get my dreams
(and so will you).



Put Your Records On ~Corinne Bailey Rae
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in a bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

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Sunday's Songbird ... Stand Tall

St Pats in 5pts was yesterday; which boasts itself as the 3rd largest Saint Patricks Day celebration in the nation. It's only about 10 minutes from our house, so how can we NOT go, right? They have over 20 bands there performing live on different stages through-out the event. We obviously can't see them all each year, bummer, but we go to see as many as we can. Villanova is always there, and we love, love, love them! They were the first band I highlighted here on my blog when I started this weekly music post, actually ... here it is.

I've been grooving to the Dirty Heads music for awhile, so I was amped when I heard they were coming here for this years celebration. SO excited to see them live ... and they didn't disappoint. It was a great show! I didn't have my flip video with me, or I would be sharing some live music love right now.
Sorry lovelies!



Stand Tall ~The Dirty Heads
Say what you say or just sail away
She can't stand me but I miss her face
I feel like drownin' but the tides too low
And now I'm waiting for the undertow

So I stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can make it)

Stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)

Well I can only take so much
The pressure may come to pressure us
They came to watch us fall
Oh yes, they came to watch us fall
But we will rise up against them all

So I stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can make it)

Stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)

The part of me that fights you like
Gonna sing my song gonna sing it proud
No ones gonna bring me down
Gonna stand up strong gonna hold my ground
Tell me what are we fighting for
Just to do what we done before
Tell me what are we fighting for (fighting for)

The part of me that fights you like
Gonna sing my song gonna sing it proud
No ones gonna bring me down
Gonna stand up strong gonna hold my ground
Tell me what are we fighting for
Just to do what we done before
Tell me what are we fighting for (fighting for)

Stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
Stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)

Stand tall
It gets a little better
I see the water we can break down together
Stand strong it gets a little better now
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)
(we can break it down, yes we can break it)

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Sunday's Songbird ... Heartbreaker

Love Pink!



Heartbreaker ~Pink
I keep thinkin bout that little sparkle in your eye
is it a light from the angels or your devil deep inside
and what about the way you say you love me all the time
are you liftin me up to heaven just to drop me down the line
theres a ring around my finger but will you change your mind
and you tell me that I'm beautiful but that could be a lie

are you a heartbreaker
maybe you want me for the ride
what if I'm fallin for a heartbreaker 
and everthing is just a lie
I won't be leavin here alive
I won't be leavin here alive, no no

temporary happiness is like waitin for the knife
cuz I'm always watchin for someone to show there darker side
so maybe I'll sit back and just enjoy all this for now
watch it all play out, see if you really stick around
but theres always this one question that keeps me up at night
are you my greatest love or disappointment in my life

are you a heartbreaker
maybe you want me for the ride
what if I'm fallin for a heartbreaker
and everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin here alive
I might as well lay down and die

I'm holding on with both hands and both feet 
ooohhhh
promise that you won't pull the rug out from under me

are you a heartbreaker 
maybe you want me for the ride
I pray to god you're not a heartbreaker
this time around I won't survive 
cuz if I'm falling for a heartbreaker
and everything is just a lie
I won't be leavin here alive
I might as well lay down and die
I won't be leavin here alive.

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Venom on His Lips

Contrary to what this post is about to depict; I'm doing fine. That is, of course, assuming everyone else uses the widely acceptable vague and bending boundaries of the word "fine". Yea, I'm fine. In day to day life; I'm fine. In parenting (even amidst one of my children's understandable and justified behavior of acting out); I'm fine. In not blaming myself (too much); I'm fine. In outward appearances (aside from the sleep deprived circles under my eyes); I'm fine. Even taking a look inside; I'm fine (read ... I could be a whole helluva lot worse). But I feel this bubble inside of me starting to churn. It's angry and frothing at the mouth to escape. I figure my blog is as good a place as any, right? I mean, it's going to have to come out if my "fine" is going to be able to go on.

Sooo, a supremely bitter, resentful, venge-filled rant is about to be spilled all over this place ... you've been warned!

Where the FUCK is everyone? I mean, seriously ... Where.The.Fuck!?!?!

I know he pushed and he pushed and he pushed, but where the hell is your compassion? Your understanding? Your loyalty in family or friendship? Really that easy to turn your backs? "Ahh, well, we tried, he obviously wants nothing to do with us", and wash your hands? No real effort there with your "trying", either, maybe a phone call or two. When they went unreturned ... "Oh well".

Even after learning of his diagnosis'. Even after learning of the trauma, both physical and emotional/mental that he endured and has been attempting to work through. Even after learning how alone, and scared, and helpless, and useless, and broken he feels. Even after learning how self destructive and harmful he gets. Even after learning he's been suicidal and locked up in a mental ward. Even after learning ... xyz ... still, nothing! Your family. Your friend. He's not worth your effort? He pushed you away, so fuck him?

He has needed support. More support that I am capable of offering. I'm usually his target. His enemy. The one he has to fight off. He's needed outside support to help him through his demons. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!???  When he sees me as his target, and the only people in his life are other injured soldiers going through the same things, it's really fucking easy to feed off of each others destruction. There's a whole lot of justification and "camaraderie" in staying down in that hole (here, have another beer, that'll help. fuck your wife. fuck your children. they could never understand anyway). There's no help. There's no support. There's no slap back into reality. That's what you're supposed to be here for!!!

One of the things he's lost is his short term memory. Not to the extreme of it being completely non-existant anymore ... but it's severe enough that it landed him a 70% TBI disability rating. Why am I talking about memory and %'s ... because he has been forgetting to take his medication. His anti-depressants as well as his thyroid replacement hormone (the tyroid is a huge contributor to help level out his emotions, his moods ... so that he can relate to the world in a humane way ... being calm, rational, nice even. And the anti-depressants, since he DOES take them, need to be taken consistently for those same reasons). He hasn't forgotten all together to take them, he's just very inconsistent with it... which in my opinion is even worse then not taking them at all! The constant up and down, peaks and dives of hormones in his body are a prescription for disaster. The body can't tolerate it.  Just recently, for example... about two weeks ago he went a whole week before remembering he wasn't taking them, and then just last week another few days went by before he remembered. He's so defensive about not being capable of doing certain things anymore (like remembering to take a pill) ... he doesn't like to admit he can't do something, so he hides it, and doesn't let me in to help.

He was growing more and more angry during this time. More impatient. More accusatory. Acting more shady and secretive.

And whaddya know ... he's gone, again. Walked out, again. Last week. Coincidently the very day that he remembered about his medication, and downed a couple of them on the spot.

Yea, coincidence? Fuck that!
More like the "erratic behavior" side effect that comes from not consistently taking your prescription. Yea, that sounds more like it.

For the record ... I'm not in favor of anti-depressants (mood altering pills all together) in any way, shape, or form, but if someone WERE taking them already anyway, it's fucking crucial that they do so in an extremely consistent manner.

He walked away on a Wednesday. Just walked away; from inside our garage where we were arguing (about me asking him not to fix our cars brakes when he was so fucking upset). Got so pissed off at my lack of trust (like that's some big shock) that away he went. Didn't bother to grab his wallet. Or his phone. Or any clothes. Or ... his medication! Just screamed at me, and off he went. I finally tracked him down on Friday with a bag of his things (phone, wallet, work clothes, MEDICATION). Even though he was pissed off at me, and blaming me for every goddamn thing wrong in his life, I still made myself go to the effort of getting him his meds ... knowing his seams were popping because of the lack of control he felt over his emotions by not consistently taking them in the first place. It wasn't going to do anyone any good if he continued not taking them. And the thanks I got was more yelling, more accusations, more venom dripping from his lips and shooting from his eyes then I'd ever seen him throw at me. And him refusing, flat out fucking refusing to give a shit about our children.

I can rationally sit here and tell myself everything that I have in the past ... everything that I just said up there to those of you who turn a blind eye to this man going through the biggest struggle of his life. But emotionally, the words mean nothing to me anymore. I can't be his scapegoat anymore. I can't be his target. His enemy. I'm clearly not the person he wants or needs to help him through this awful phase in his life. And since he has NO ONE ELSE who truly cares about him, no one who will help talk him through his latest scene of destruction, lend him a hand, and an ear so he can clear his head and pick himself back up ... I suspect he'll stay filled with rage, and anger, and hate when it comes to me until - who knows when. In the end; no one wins ... and our children suffer most of all because of it.

But please, by all means ... return to your dinner like none of this fucking matters to you! Just like you have for years!

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Sexy Grandpa Time

Ok, so we don't have tv in the house; this may very well be played out to death for you cable goers, but it's brand spankin' new to me! The boys and I were watching a Minute to Win it episode on Hulu tonight, and we cracked the frick up when we saw this commercial.  Of course we had to get right up and do our own "sexy grandpa dance". Shoulda gotten video of THAT! lol

I'm still laughing!
"I'm not yo daddy, I'm yo grandpa"



Go on, get up a gyrate your hips around ... you know you wanna!

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Sunday's Songbird ... Bring Me Down

What a difference a week makes ...

(love this live video (i'm partial to live music (-; ), but the song quality is a little off because of the recording. I've included another widget down there, under the lyrics, if you'd like to hear the official recording of this song)



Bring Me Down ~Lenka
I won't let this burden bring me down

So here we are again
Staring at the end of what we made and who we are
Never knowing when
One of us will break apart and walk the other way

Love, I don't know what to say
Love, I don't know how to stay
When you won't let me be the person that I am

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down

What are we to do?
What are we to say to one another now we're through?
Thanks for being you
Thanks for being all the things I had to say goodbye to

I'm over being lied to
I'm over being pushed into the
Person that you want me to become

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better, and I won't let this burden bring me down

Where did we go wrong?
We let it be so long
But now there's no point turning back, let's face the facts

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better, and I won't let this burden bring me
I won't let this burden bring me, I won't let this burden bring me down

	Lenka - Bring Me Down
	Found at Genius MP3 Music Search Engine

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to the races

and he's off ...
again

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