Funky Music Friday ... If You Want to Sing Out

It's New Years Eve! I thought about choosing a song reflective of this past year, but decided instead to choose a song inspiring for the forth coming year.

Live an Authentic Life ... Follow Your Bliss
It's never too late to start!



If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out  ~Cat Stevens
Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are


And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are


You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know


Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are


And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are


You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know


Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

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Losing Teeth and Growing Up

It has finally happened... at 3am on the eve before the New Year, my honey pot, my teensy man, my last bebe lost his first tooth. A tiny glimmer of an adult tooth already peering out. Soon his mouth will be full of his adult teeth; with no more sign of "baby" in there anywhere. 

He's our last child, so this was a bittersweet moment for Mama. Teetering between feelings of ubber excitement for him and this gigantic milestone that he has been waiting for (as his brothers' teeth pop from their heads like popcorn), to feelings of gut wrenching sadness; grieving the passing of this stage in life. 

Even typing this I feel tears welling up, a lump in my throat, and a heaviness in my heart. 

No, I'm not good with endings or with goodbyes. Not.At.All

But look at this face ... how can a smile of happiness NOT build up in you when you look at the excitement in his face (and the blood on his shirt)!

And as he puts it ... "We can still have snuggle time even when I have big honking teeth, we can snuggle forever, even when I'm older then you, cuz we loooooooove to snuggle each other, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever"

We sure do, buddy, Forever and Always!

So alas, with a New Year looming on the horizon, I will work to fully regain my child-like soul. I am committed to live a life more free from the chains of sadness, grieve, endings, and goodbyes. And instead choose a life filled with more gratitude, joy, and optimism ... "Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened"

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Christmas Twenty-Ten

We tossed around ideas of renting another cabin for the holiday's this year, but at the end of the day we decided to stay put. Mostly because of our impending release from the military. We're not exactly sure when it's going to happen (sometime within 5-7 weeks is what I'm guessing right now), and we're going to need every penny when that move finally comes. 

Sooo, a cozy little holiday at home. We've closed our curtains, turned on our twinkle lights, and have been hunkering down together (with a few spontaneous visits from the neighborhood kids thrown in for good measure. Apparently our house is the place to be ... what with the painting at will, games of tag and soccer inside, and the ever popular stair sledding; we're quite attractive... like moths to a flame, lol). Nick has a few more days of leave before returning to work, and we're soaking it all up. Hard to believe that soon, very soon, this will be our new normal. All of us together, always.  

Christmas Eve was spent spreading kindness and love at a nearby park that is frequented by our city's many homeless people. We dropped off some wrapped gifts near the playset, with images of a Mother watching her children play, worried about not having the funds to make Christmas morning magical for them. She finds the gifts, and her prayers are answered. Or perhaps a Father or an Uncle who is down on his luck, and not feeling too worthy of love or family. He finds the gifts, and regains a sense of confidence to join his family for the Holidays, knowing he has something to give, something to offer. 

We also filled up 25 or so lunch bags of food, and handed them to the homeless people we saw. Lots of smiles and good wishes shared. We left the leftover bags near the parks entrance, with a note of love and comfort. We came home with our hearts full!

Our Christmas Day was great. Lots of laughing. Lots of games. Lots of love. Lots of raw vegan cinnamon rolls (homemade). Simplicity and relaxed is the way we roll. Our gifts we all heartfelt, and mostly homemade (and we didn't get around to opening them till the evening!). Owen (with help from Dad) made everyone a see-through planting box & stand, so we'll be able to see the roots growing. We love to grow things! Larson painted Owen a canvas, with a photo of me and owen snuggling in the center (O told Lars that his favorite things was snuggling Mom ... *melt*) . He made Rylan a collage of dinosaur photos (ry has been obsessed with dinos since the age of 2). He made Nick a frame with a photo of a Bass Guitar made out of legos (Nick loves both). And he found me a sweet little tea mug at an antique store a couple of months ago, and has been hiding it since. Rylan made me a skirt out of some cute flowered material (I heart skirts!). He painted Nick a wooden frame, and put a Tony Romo football card inside. He made Larson a friendship bracelet in the Minnesota Vikings colors (Larson is a temporary Vikings fan while Favre plays for them). And he sewed Owen a new, super soft pillow case (Owen has carried around his "snuggle pillow" since... since forever). Nick made me a wooden easel out of the scrap wood from the builders across the street (I've been eyeing wooden easels every where we go, lol), and I painted him a picture pre easel (see below). The kids and I also gave him some new drawing pencils and pastels. We gave the kids their own fully stocked tool box (I found the cutest wooden box at an antique/thrift store a while ago). With Christmas money that we received from family we bought the kids their own macbook computer (which has caused me such stress and frustration in the days since. Short version ... we found it on craigslist and it has turned out to be a dud. Our kids are naturally understanding and appreciative people, so they're not at all disappointed that the thing barely works. They're thankful that it works "sometimes". But I am disappointed. Working to follow my kids example and let it go, but it is a disappointment to me). 

And then ... SNOW!!!

It snowed on Christmas!!! 

How awesome is that?!? 

Ok, for you northerners, perhaps awesome isn't the word you'd use, lol, but down here snow is a rarity. Snow anytime is pretty amazing (and a matter of statewide emergency); for it to happen on Christmas ... pure magic!!!

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Funky Music Friday ... Happy Xmas - War is Over

It's Christmas Eve ... would there be another song I'd choose? ;-)

During the holidays so many are in a mad rush to buy, buy, buy. It's the season of giving, after all, and we're a very trained society. We spend ridiculous amounts of money on gadgets and gizmos, gifts and grub, and somewhere in there we lose the true spirit of what it means to "give".

This video is a humbling reminder of those less fortunate then us. It doesn't have to be depressing; let it uplift you. Let it soar through your soul knowing you can do something to help. Tis the season of giving ... let that SHINE!

Someone at Nicks work put our family in for the adopt a Soldier and their Family project. We found out after the gifts were already bought and ready to be handed to us. Armfuls of gifts! And if that wasn't enough ... there was a gift card included also. Extremely generous, right? We all talked about it and decided that the kids would each pick out one of the gifts, and the rest we'd donate to children who otherwise wouldn't have anything. The gift card money was used to buy a bunch of food and some paper lunch sacks. We filled the sacks, and we delivered them to a downtown park this evening for the homeless people; who otherwise wouldn't have anything to eat on Christmas. They were extremely grateful, and so were we.

Our Holidays are very modest. We do a lot of homemade gifts that we wrap up for each other ... little tokens of our hearts.  We keep it simple. Our spirits are full in giving to those less fortunate then we are. Spread the Love!



Happy Xmas - War is Over  ~John Lennon
(Happy Xmas Kyoko
Happy Xmas Jullian)


So this is Xmas 
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Xmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Xmas 
(War is over) 
For weak and for strong
(If you want it)
For rich and the poor ones
(War is over)
The world is so wrong
(Now)

And so Happy Xmas
(War is over)
For black and for white
(If you want it)
For yellow and red ones 
(War is over)
Let's stop all the fight 
(Now)

A very merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Xmas 
(War is over)
And what have we done 
(If you want it)
Another year over 
(War is over)
And a new one just begun 
(Now)

And so Happy Xmas 
(War is over)
I hope you have fun 
(If you want it)
The near and the dear one 
(War is over)
The old and the young 
(Now)

A very merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

War is over if you want it
War is over now 

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Grrr, Bark, Woof ... Good Dog

We were driving down a road that we've been on thousands of times before, yet we'd never before seen a sign pointing up to a park. I spotted it, yelped out in excitement, and we made a quick U-Turn. 


There's nothing like an impromptu evening game of freeze tag at a new park!

What was even more exciting about this park... 

It's a dog park! An actual dog park in this city that doesn't require membership! What?! HOW have I not heard of this before now?! The name of the park should have given it away... Quinine Park, but, well, we can be slow sometimes, lol. It took the sign, numerous waste stations set up, and the HUGE fenced in area with gate before the light bulb went off. Quinine ... Canine! Ahhhh haaaa! By george I think we've got it! In our defense it was late, we were tired, and our minds were on preparing for our holidays. lol


It's a park we'll definitely be visiting often!

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Engine Engine Number ONE!

So... my house was on fire today.

Ok, maybe it wasn't quite on fire yet, but it was well on it's way!

We came home early this evening with some groceries that the boys got busy putting away in the kitchen while I ran up stairs to put on some warmer clothes. About 10-20 minutes later I started to smell smoke. Now, that alone wasn't really worry inducing. One... our housing is brand new, and it seems each time our heater has kicked on our house gets a little smokey smelling. Apparently (after calling that first time our smoke alarms were going off) they coated something with something when installing the unit, and until the heater runs long enough to burn that coating off, we're going to experience that smell. Sounds super healthy, right? And two... we have plenty of neighbors who like to bbq and/or use an outdoor fire pit; both of which can blow smoke into our house. Sooo, we didn't think anything at first.

A couple of minutes later the smell was getting stronger. I no longer assumed it was the heater; the scent was far too strong and thick. We did a walk around the house, checking rooms, closets, attic, etc. Nothing. We couldn't see any smoke, it just smelled, so ok, it must be a BBQ outside... but a couple of minutes after that it no longer smelled like BBQ, still couldn't find any smoke in the house, so we figured it was a fire pit outside. After all, when I came home I ran up to put warmer clothes on. It was COLD out there. Probably would have been nice to cozy up to a fire. We went with the fire pit idea, and tried to get on with our evening. After 30 minutes of the smell getting stronger and stronger the kids went out to check around the neighborhood to see if anyone had their fire pits going. Meanwhile my head was pounding, my eyes were dry, my throat felt raw (I'm extremely sensitive to smoke and smells [I like writing the words smells, lol]). We were keeping the doors and windows closed because we thought it was coming from outside.

They didn't find anyone. Nick called the MPs to see if anyone had reported a fire in the nearby area that perhaps was blowing our way. Nothing. It was strongest in our house: when we were outside we couldn't smell the smoke, but it was really windy, so we figured maybe that had something to do with it. We couldn't find where it could have been coming from inside, so we were sure it had to be coming from out there. The MP's came out, followed almost immediately by a fire truck, and they asked us to stay outside.  Then came another fire truck. And another one. All with lights on and sirens blazing. Decked out in their gear. They jumped out of the trucks and connected their hoses. Two fire fighters went inside, and quickly came out to grab their gas masks...saying the smell of smoke was strong! It was probably 10 minutes or so later that they came out to tell us that it in fact was us on fire ... not a BBQ or neighbors fire pit. Nice! :-/

Little back story quick. We're about 99% Raw Vegans. We don't use our stove or oven, at all ... haven't in a couple of years. When moving; we've always unplugged the appliance, and turned off the gas line (if there is one), and then we set a big piece of bamboo over the cook top, and use that space as extra counter top. It's where we have our wooden bowls of fruits. Nick took that bamboo board off a couple of weeks ago to use as a puzzle board. He temporarily threw a towel over the cook top in place of the bamboo, and set the bowls of fruit atop the towel ... and then he forgot about it. Yea, you know where I'm going with this!

Wellllllllll, when we moved in here in April I asked Nick to take care of the stove, and he told me that he did. So much happened in those first few days of us moving in here (moving stress, owens broken arm, money, the assault) that I didn't think anything of it after he told me he took care of it. Apparently while the boys were putting away the groceries, the stove knob got bumped, turning on the cooktop. No one noticed because we haven't had to worry about the stove in years! The towel was burning. And then as soon as there was a hole burnt through the towel; one of the bowls of fruit was burning, too.

The house is still smokey smelling...
The stove is now UNPLUGGED...
And we are SO thankful the stove knob didn't get knocked just before we went up to sleep...
Happy Winter Solstice!!!
Hope it's a great one for ya (albeit with a little less excitement that ours has been)

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Lets Talk About Sex, Baby ...

Larson was propositioned for sex yesterday.

He just turned 12.  She's about to turn 14.

He said "No thanks, I'm not ready for that, I don't want to".

Apparently she had a sex ed class in school recently, and is extremely interested in "trying it out". She asked her last boyfriend if he wanted to, but he didn't and they broke up (not sure if it was related ?)  This girl is someone Larson has liked since moving here. He thinks she's really nice, and sweet, and cute. So when she told him a couple of days ago that she liked him, well ... I'm sure you could all see the light beaming off of his ginormous smile as he talked to me about it.

When he declined her sex invitation, he said she was disappointed, but he knew he did the right thing. Later they talked about it again, with some other neighbor kids, and the discussion got pretty colorful: masturbation, oral sex, pornography, penis size. A lot of the "information" coming from this girls younger brother (11 or 12). A boy whom my heart now aches for. He's getting his information from his Dad, who watches pornography with him, and who measures the boys penis and compares it to age specific statistics he finds online about size. This boy's view of sex is that it's fun in a raunchy, aggressive, competitive way. Larson heard a lot of stuff from this kid. A lot of slang descriptives that he wasn't familiar with.

So, needless to say, much more then usual, he's been full of sex questions lately. FULL OF THEM! Detailed specifics is what he's after ... trying to make sense of all of the confusing slang he heard; I'm sure.

I am having feelings of insecurity and fear. Feelings of not being equipped enough to deal with this new level of growing up. As I said, he just turned 12. He's our oldest. We home/unschool. This is all new territory, and I guess bouts of insecurity on my part are normal. That reassurance doesn't make the feelings any less intense, though.

His security, confidence, and ability to stay true to his values in the face of proposition and pressure is a wonderful and calming thing for me to see. He's a good kid with a level head on his shoulders. And the fact that he so freely talked to me about all of this, no prompting on my part, no freak out questions in order to pull Every.Single.Detail out of him. I just listened, and he openly and honestly shared his experiences and his feelings. There is definitely a huge amount of solace in that.

I'm not a person who thinks sex needs to be saved for marriage. I'm not even a person who believes sex should only occur between two people in love (granted, in my experience, it is a much more enjoyable activity on all levels when there's love ... but I don't promote "needing to be in love"). I'm free and open with sexuality; I don't want to create an environment of shame, or guilt, or inhibiting feelings for my boys. Yet, now that we're actually making our way up to that cusp, I don't want to come off as being nonchalant or "pro-12 year olds having sex", either. In no way, shape, or form is that true!

It seems like such a fine line right now.

While I navigate my way through this new territory, I would love to hear your experiences. I love to read about other stories. Funny ones. Serious ones. Gross ones. All of them. I'm not so much seeking out advice, I'm more looking for community. I'm not the first person to walk this line ... lets share our stories :-)

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Funky Music Friday ... Light Up Ya' Lighter

Todays Funky Music Friday selection is from an artist you'll probably see featured here on the blog a bunch ... love him! <3

I picked this particular song of his today because of my family's current status in the military; the medical review process we're going through. Once every bit of Nick's ginormous medical record was gone through with a fine toothed comb, summarized, and put into a much smaller, more manageable report for the medical review board, the information was some what overwhelming. We've been living the effects every single day, but seeing it all there on one form, in black and white, it was a testament to just how much of himself he gave to our military; to the war. His mental and physical being has been greatly diminished ... and for what? To be used as a tool, a political pawn for capital gain.

He's home now, and we are within weeks of being set free, but there are so many more just like him that are still fighting. Lift em up! Light it up! Bring em home!

(I chose this "video" for the lack of distraction - 

listen to the words!)

Light Up Ya' Lighter ~Michael Franti & Spearhead
It never makes no sense
It never makes no sense

Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire

Armegeddon is a deadly day
Armegeddon is a deadly way
They're coming for you everyday
While senators on a holiday
The army recruiters in the parking lot
Hustling kids, they're juggling pot
"Listen young man, listen to my plan
Gonna make you money, gonna make you a man.
(bomb, bomb)
Here's what you get, 
An M16 and a kevlar vest
You might come home with one less leg 
But this thing will surely keep a bullet out your chest
So come on, come on, sign up, come on
This one's nothing like Vietnam
Except for the bullets, except for the bombs
Except for the youth that's gone"

So we keep it on, 'til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire
So we keep it on, 'til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire

Tell me president tell me if you will
How many people does a smart bomb kill?
How many of them do you think we got?
The general says we never miss shot
And we never ever ever keep a body count
We're killing so efficiently we can't keep count
In the afghan hills the rebels still fighting
Opium fields keep on providing
The best heroin that money can buy and
No body knows where Osama bin hiding
The press conferences keep on lying
Like we don't know

So we keep it on, 'til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire
So we keep it on, 'til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire

So Mr engine, engine, number 9
Machine guns on a New York transit line
The war for oil is a war for the beast
The war on terror is a war on peace
Telling you they're gonna protect you
Telling you that they support the troops and 
Don't let 'em fool you with their milk and honey
Naw, they only want your money
One step forward and 2 step back
One step forward and 2 step back
Why do veterans get no respect
PTSD and a broken back
Take a look at where your money's gone (seen)
Take a look at what they spend it on
No excuses, no illusions
Light up ya lighter, bring 'em home

So we keep it on, 'til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire
So we keep it on, til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire

So we keep it on, til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire
So we keep it on, til you're coming home
higher and higher
Fire, fire, fire, light up ya lighter
Fire, fire, fire

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So I have this massager...

Hold it right there!
You may think you know where this blog post is going, but...

ok, maybe it is

I have this back massager for, ya know, massaging backs... 

I woke up yesterday morning to my 4 boys standing over me, singing Happy Birthday, followed by an eight hand back rub. Nice, right? I know! Owen quickly concluded there was an easier way. A way that didn't involve crampy hands. His brilliant idea was to grab the massager and go to town. It felt great, btw! I could definitely get used to a back rub before getting out of bed each morning!

So anyway, the massager. Owen wouldn't let it out of his hands all day. He went from massaging my back, to doing his brothers' backs, then back to mine, etc. Eventually he figured out that he could use the thing on himself. Do you see where I'm going yet?

He's 6, btw!

He was busy massaging his own back. Then he moved to his tummy. His feet. His head. I got up to go make some lunch, and the next thing I hear is ...

"I'M MASSAGING MY BALLS! MY PEE BALLS!"

OMFG! I could have died laughing if I let myself!

He's been talking quite a bit about his "pee balls" lately... where he picked up that terminology is anyone's guess.  ???  lmao!

That's nice, son, but perhaps activities involving your "pee balls" would be better suited in a bedroom or a bathroom... ya know, with the door closed.  

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31 years of life

Happy 31st Birthday to Me!

We spent the day dancing, eating, and painting. It was perfect. My heart is full!

This past year has been filled with much turmoil, heartache, frustration, and often feelings of hopelessness ... but I'm still standing. My wounds turn to scars, and my scars are a symbol of strength. A reminder to myself that I survived the blows. I can't begin to guess what this next year will bring, but with pride in myself for standing the test of time thus far, I'll move forward into this next year with great hope and optimism. If I've learned anything in the past 31 years it's that I possess so much more then I ever thought possible. Life is going to throw curve balls ... and I am more then equipped to deal with all of them. Keep truckin'

Here's to me! And all of you out there facing your own struggles. Dig deep. Don't give up. All the courage and strength you could possibly need is right there within you!

Shalom!

The Traditional "coming down the stairs to the party" Photo

The boys' custom decorations ... paper lanterns! Love!

We love to paint! (there may be a related Give-Away coming shortly ... stay tuned)

Opening gifts... Weeeee!  Larson drew me a picture and put it in a custom decorated frame. Rylan gave me a pair of super soft aloe socks that I'd been eyeing for months. Owen made me a paper mache flower pot that he painted. And Nick made me my annual birthday card. <3 

And the cake ... a raw vegan pineapple cheesecake with a berry sauce on top (my own recipe). SO good!

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every day is my best day

I can't even stand how cute he is in that head wrap!

Rylan and I were talking this evening while preparing my birthday menu food for tomorrow. I finished the cake, handed him the spatula to lick, and he immediately said "OMG, this is soooo good, I can't wait to eat it, tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life". Yes, he's dramatic like his Mama... lol.

It prompted him to ask me what the best day of my life was. I told him I had three best days, and quickly rattled off each of my children's birth dates. He smiled :-) Then I asked him what his best day was, and he replied with "Every day is my best day"!

Wow, right? The power of positive thinking is something I whole heartedly believe in ... does it get more positive then Perceiving and Feeling that EVERY day is your BEST day? What an instantaneous perspective shift he brought to me.

Every day is my best day, too. Thanks Rylan!

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Bring on the Crazy

I don't know what it is, but put football on and you'll see a side of that you never would have guessed was in there.

Jekyll and Hyde aint got nothin' on me!

(ok, typing the word aint was almost painful)

I'm a screaming, cussing, insulting, competitive biatch...
"What the fuck, officials.... do you have your heads stuck so far up your asses that all of your calls are laced in BULLSHIT?!"

Yup, Football Meli, she's vulgar much.

I'm usually such a peaceful soul. Ya know, the whole "make love not war" and  "friends not foes" type. In competition I'm all about good sportsmanship, and focusing more on having fun rather then winning. If you're all having fun; everyone wins... right? It's a lovely way of living, peaceful, calm, light ... and then comes football. NFL football. Green Bay Packers football. And my flowers and sunshine outlook turns into "get that sonofabitch on his knees... ON.HIS.KNEES".

My blood pressure rises, my anxiety escalates, my veins pop, my voice goes hoarse. lol, wtf!
Everyone is an asshole, a bitch, a cock sucker. Wow!

Not yet sure how I feel about this. It's either soon time to let go of football, or to fully embrace the darkness that overcomes me while watching. lol

In the meantime; back to the game ... my o-line isn't doing their job, my receivers are off their game, my running game is non-existent, and now my quarterback is on the sidelines with a goddamned concussion!

FUCK!!!

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Funky Music Friday ... Had Enough

In the spirit of working to lighten things up; I'm starting a new trend here on the blog ... Funky Music Friday. Each Friday I'll highlight a song that resonates with me for one reason or another
(that's the goal, anyway)!

I'm a lover of music... and that may be a slight understatement!
I'm crazy obsessive about it, lol! While recorded music doesn't hold the same place in my heart as live music does, this is all we've got. You'll just have to come visit me to really feel the experience.

I'm always curious about the sound style of others, and I love, love, love being introduced to new music via my lovely lovelies. Hoping to spark some new Funky Music love 'round here, too.

This song is by some awesome locals, Villanova Band. If you get a chance to hear them live ... GO! Their sound is amazing, and they are the nicest people. Super friendly. They've recently been signed, so watch for 'em (you've probably already heard them ... memory). They wont disappoint! I'm in love with all of their songs, but today I picked this one. Kind of sums up how my life has been lately. And this rehearsal video ... we actually saw the show they were getting ready for. Cool, right? :-)



Had Enough ~Villanova Band
it's growing closer to the morning light
black and blue
another side of me was born tonight
that's what you do

I'm tired of living in my own mind
I'm tired of living all alone
and thats why I can't lie tonight
just to let you know

that i can talk to you soft and sweet
come on in and sweep you off your feet
cuz I know you needing somebody
tell me something for I fall down to my knees

could you smile for me
and could you hit me with the 143
pull me out before i get too deep
help me out or am I just as dumb to be
lonely
sad and lonely

I got a feeling that I just can't shake
I got a fever that I just can't break
I got this evil that I can't take
and you know I had enough

bless your soul
pick me up when I'm feeling low
sometimes that's just how it goes
come and get me when I'm walking down that road

to the ground I fell
I drank enough that I could drown myself
sometimes I feel like I'm down in hell
I thought you'd help me if you knew just how it felt
to be lonely
sad and lonely

I got a feeling that I just can't shake
I got a fever that I just can't break
I got this evil that I can't take
and you know that I've had enough

I got a feeling that I just can't shake

I got a fever that I just can't break

I got this evil that I can't take

and you know that I've had enough

and that's all right 
it's growing closer to the morning light
you know things are never going to be the same
you know so much darkness falls around me
that I can barely see tomorrow
yea, so for tonight 
I said love me while you've got me.

I got a feeling that I just can't shake

I got a fever that I just can't break

I got this evil that I can't take

and you know that I've had enough

I got a feeling that I just can't shake

I got a fever that I just can't break

I got this evil that I can't take

and you know that I've had enough

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Question of the Year

Yo, Meli, what's happening with the military?

Ahhh, the question I'm asked more often then "how do you get your protein"?
I didn't think anything would top THAT one, lol.

The answer ... we'll be out SOON!

Nick's paperwork is complete! Barring any appeals on our part (we should have the final "official" statements of health in our hand by next week, and we'll have 10 days to look it over. If we disagree with any of the findings, wish to have something added/removed, we can appeal it within that time) his packet will be sent up to the big wigs in DC. 3-4 weeks later we'll know our fate...
retirement percentage, amount, date of discharge.

We've been told he'll definitely be rated at at least 70%, with a high probability of 100%

*Huge Breath*

It's almost over!

After those findings come back (again, barring no appeal on our part), there's a week or two of paper processing followed by about a week or two of Nick clearing.
Our actual departure time is going to come down to leave (vacation days)... if we sell back our leave; we'll be packed up and driving out a little over 2 months earlier then if we use the leave.

Basically, we have approx 70-75 days of leave saved up (not counting the Holiday leave he's about to take). We have the option of using that leave before separating from service, or selling it back. Not yet sure which we'll do. We've always leaned more toward using it. Selling it back will only get us basic pay, not to include the housing and food allowances we get each month. So technically we'd be losing money by selling it. However, we've been unable to get a straight answer about retirement and moving allowances.

While on active duty, when you move they pay you a dislocation allowance. It's supposed to help cover the cost of the move (gas, lodging, and food) and also help cover first and last and a utility deposit on a new place. We've not yet been given a straight answer as to whether or not there is a program set up to help retirees move. They'll move our stuff free of charge, but we're not sure about us (gas, lodging, rent). Add that to the fact that our retirement pay wont kick in until 30 days separated from duty. Being there is going to be at least a month long gap of not being paid, selling back our leave may be our only feasible option to get us money to move and live on while waiting for retirement pay to kick in.

Soooo, don't know when we're leaving, where we'll go, or how we'll get there, but it's almost over!

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Imagine ... 30 years today

and the world will live as one

On Decemeber 8th, 1980 our world grew a little darker...
But in the 30 years since, we're growing brighter then ever!
The inspirational message of hope, of love, of peace, and of togetherness that John Lennon sparked in the world shines through those of us who feel it's not only our duty, but our privilege to see his message, his hope live on.

We hold his love and his light in our hearts, and as he did, we imagine a world like this ...



Imagine ~John Lennon
Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today


Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace


You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one


Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world


You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Rest in peace sweet John.
You will forever be remembered.
Your shining force; it prevails.
Goodness wins.

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Thrifting our way to Freedom

Walking through a swanky little novelty thrift store and NOT stopping to try on funky glasses is like a crime. A crime my children are not willing to commit.

And I'll be damned if they get to have all the law abiding fun without me!

We've been ever so slowly removing ourselves from "Big Business America" over the past coupla years, but something the other day, and I cannot pinpoint what exactly... maybe it was a documentary that I watched, perhaps it was seeing another going out of business sign on a small family run shop, or maybe it was that guy at target, smelling like beef jerky & cigarettes, who scoffed at me as I was trying on a bazillion scarves ... don't know, but something sparked a fire under my ass the other day. What's with this slow process? Enough is enough.

Big Corporate America, we're over!

We've made the commitment to radically flip our consumeristic ways on their little consumeristic butts.

Actually, we're not huge consumers in the first place, so cutting back really isn't the issue. lol. We will, however, be putting a much more conscious awareness into the times and the places we do shop; into the stores, the people, and the practices we support.

Each time we lay down money for something, we're voting (i've heard that a couple of times recently ... it really strikes a cord if you let it). We're going to make sure our "votes" line up with our beliefs. We don't believe in the philosophy or the practices of big corporations. Sure, the product is cheaper ... but at what cost? Environmental impacts. Humanitarian impacts. Small business impacts. Governmental impacts. Etc. Etc. Etc. They're taking control of everything and everyone ... and we've had enough of it!

We've always been drawn to the smaller shops... the hidden gems tucked away in each city, filled with soft fabrics, handmade clothing and accessories, fair trade yumminess. We love to take time out to stop in these places, but they've always been more of an exception instead of a rule. A fun little treat as opposed to "normal and everyday". THAT is what's going to change - Our treats will become our "everyday".

small swanky boutiques & thrift stores = good

big crowded department stores = puke

The End!

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Movin' On Up ... again

me and my loves grabbing a quick lunch at 14 Carrot

Dontcha just love the new name? 

I do!

It's light. It's fun. It's me. 

There's a beautiful freeness that comes with twirling. The ability to recapture our childlike view of the world; peace, innocence, fun, being present in the moment ... just by twirling. Amazing.

And dragonflies, well, I've always loved them. The more I learn about them, the more I love them ... 

The meaning of the dragonfly changes with each culture, but many believe that dragonflies symbolize peace, purity, harmony, renewal, freedom, strength and survivability. 

As a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently symbolizes change. The ability to transform from water to air represents going past our self imposed limits and achieving our goals. A symbol of maturity.

The dragonflies short life span symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living life to the fullest; living IN the moment. 

Dragonflies are also believed to symbolize rebirth or rejuvenation after a big loss or after facing hardships.

It's absolutely a fitting symbol for my new blog space. 

Change. Renewal. Strength. Freedom. Maturity. Survivability. 

Let's Rock This!!!

a wildlife conservatory near hilton head island

You'll also notice that I am once again using blogger. I started blogging in 2005. I moved from Xanga to Blogger in 2007, and then earlier this year I decided to give Wordpress a whirl. I noticed a lot of people moving over to wordpress, and the curious cat that am wanted to see what all the buzz was about. 

I quickly learned that wordpress.com wasn't for me. I'm all about customizations, and wordpress.com charges an upgrade fee for everything under the sun when it comes to customizing your blog. Sooo, I went to an outside hosting company, and started using wordpress.org (free customizing till your hearts content). I gave it it's fair shake, but in the end I'm much too simple a girl to be bothering with hosting management, databases, sql-amajigs. I'm sure I could figure it all out pretty easily if I put my mind to it ... but my mind doesn't want to be put to it, lol. So, I'm back here! Home sweet home!

Wordpress does have some pretty cool features, and who knows... I may move back one day. But for now, I'm really digging the more simplified blogging over here at blogger! 

And check out the size of these photos ... reason enough to <3 blogger, right?!

simple beauty

I've been having a lot of issues moving my Capturing Life 365 blog over. 

It's finally (after a week) being redirected to the right space, but a good portion of the photos didn't transfer over. Oye! Will hopefully be back soon!

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free your mind - and the rest will follow

biking through the surf on hilton head island

We've been ever so slowly going through the process of purging a good portion of our belongings. A process that has proved to be a lot easier for me then it has been for Nick.

I'm assuming my childhood; losing every thing I owned... twice (first time when my Mom went to jail, and the second when we made a cross country move in a hurry [1 day to sell everything... next day on the road!] in order to flee her abusive husband) has taught me not to become too emotionally attached to "things". It's something I used to curse when I was a kid, and all the way up into my mid 20's. I used to try to force connection and attachment with "things"; not wanting to be robbed my right to stuff.

I now find my history a blessing. I'm eager and willing to let go of unnecessary objects, possessions. It's easy for me to release this "stuff" from my life, knowing it's not the end of the world, knowing the most precious things to me are not found in a box, or on a shelf ... they're found in the people around me.

I don't like being surrounded with "stuff". It weighs me down. Clutters my mind. Not too mention ... it's a bitch to keep tidy and clean! I'm a much more simplistic soul. I feel best when in an uncluttered, free flowing environment. I feel a much greater sense of appreciation to the things in my life when there aren't so damn many things around!

Nick feels the same way, it's just a lot more difficult for him to unwrap his grip and actually let go. He's getting there!

With our impending release from the military literally right around the corner (blog coming soon, stay tuned) ... we're eager to really step it up and cleanse ourselves of all this "stuff". We want to start this new chapter of our lives fresh. Free and Clear ... mind, body, soul, possessions!

Our latest sweep of the place we donated more then 1500 DVDs, over 3/4ths of our book collection (we, mostly the kids, had a LOT of books). I cut my wardrobe by 1/2, again. Nick cut his by almost 1/2 as well. The kids sorted through and donated most all of their toys. Nick cut back his tools by 1/2. Furniture went. Dishes went. Linens, jewelry, wall art, priceless collectibles, etc. We finally made the decision to replace our big 8ft Holiday tree with our little 4ft table top "travel tree". As such, our ornament collection was reduced by more then 3/4ths.

That was a hard one.

Since our lives joined, we've had a yearly tradition of picking out one ornament, per person, each year. That's 5 new ornaments every year. Sometimes we'd find 2 or 3 "perfect" ones in a year. Sometimes the kids would pick one, and I'd get them another that I thought fit their personality for that year. So, we'd have our individual ornament(s). Plus a yearly family ornament. Plus a yearly "3 kids" ornament". Plus a special "us, couples in love" ornament. Plus one for the pets. Plus any we received from grandparents, etc. Each.Year! It all added up to a lot of ornaments. A LOT! This, too, I assume stemmed from my childhood. Not having any of my own treasures from growing up, I was adamant (over the top so) that I would collect as much as I could for the kids, so they'd have tangible "stuff" to take with them into adulthood. Collectibles. Memories. Treasures they could pass on through generations. I was a pack ratting fool trying to grab onto and save as many things as I could that would represent their childhoods for them.

It was extremely difficult to make the decision to let go of a tradition we've held dear for so many years. A tradition that had a lot of heart, memory, and money wrapped into it. We did some serious soul searching before coming to the final decision. And when I say we, I mean all of us... kids included. This was as much part of their hearts as it was mine and nicks. In the end, we all remembered how amazing our experience was at the cabin last Christmas. With our modest table top travel tree, few treasured ornaments, several strings of lights strewn about, and candles. It was absolutely wonderful. We loved the simplistic, hassle free environment we created. After reminiscing, it was an easy decision, for all of us. Tears turned to smiles, smiles turned to laughter, and laughter turned tearing down the ginormous tree we'd just assembled earlier in the evening, and pulling out our table top tree... much smaller in size, but packed with many amazing memories.

We could have made a pretty penny with everything we donated, but the ability to give is so much more fulfilling. Being able to open up my space AND help others in need ... it's priceless.

My heart and soul feel both lighter, and so much more full!

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