December 18, 2010

Lets Talk About Sex, Baby ...

Posted by meli on Saturday, December 18, 2010 in , , | 1 comment

Larson was propositioned for sex yesterday.
He just turned 12.  She's about to turn 14.
He said "No thanks, I'm not ready for that, I don't want to".

Apparently she had a sex ed class in school recently, and is extremely interested in "trying it out". She asked her last boyfriend if he wanted to, but he didn't and they broke up (not sure if it was related ?)  This girl is someone Larson has liked since moving here. He thinks she's really nice, and sweet, and cute. So when she told him a couple of days ago that she liked him, well ... I'm sure you could all see the light beaming off of his ginormous smile as he talked to me about it.

When he declined her sex invitation, he said she was disappointed, but he knew he did the right thing. Later they talked about it again, with some other neighbor kids, and the discussion got pretty colorful: masturbation, oral sex, pornography, penis size. A lot of the "information" coming from this girls younger brother (11 or 12). A boy whom my heart now aches for. He's getting his information from his Dad, who watches pornography with him, and who measures the boys penis and compares it to age specific statistics he finds online about size. This boy's view of sex is that it's fun in a raunchy, aggressive, competitive way. Larson heard a lot of stuff from this kid. A lot of slang descriptives that he wasn't familiar with.

So, needless to say, much more then usual, he's been full of sex questions lately. FULL OF THEM! Detailed specifics is what he's after ... trying to make sense of all of the confusing slang he heard; I'm sure.

I am having feelings of insecurity and fear. Feelings of not being equipped enough to deal with this new level of growing up. As I said, he just turned 12. He's our oldest. We home/unschool. This is all new territory, and I guess bouts of insecurity on my part are normal. That reassurance doesn't make the feelings any less intense, though.

His security, confidence, and ability to stay true to his values in the face of proposition and pressure is a wonderful and calming thing for me to see. He's a good kid with a level head on his shoulders. And the fact that he so freely talked to me about all of this, no prompting on my part, no freak out questions in order to pull Every.Single.Detail out of him. I just listened, and he openly and honestly shared his experiences and his feelings. There is definitely a huge amount of solace in that.

I'm not a person who thinks sex needs to be saved for marriage. I'm not even a person who believes sex should only occur between two people in love (granted, in my experience, it is a much more enjoyable activity on all levels when there's love ... but I don't promote "needing to be in love"). I'm free and open with sexuality; I don't want to create an environment of shame, or guilt, or inhibiting feelings for my boys. Yet, now that we're actually making our way up to that cusp, I don't want to come off as being nonchalant or "pro-12 year olds having sex", either. In no way, shape, or form is that true!

It seems like such a fine line right now.

While I navigate my way through this new territory, I would love to hear your experiences. I love to read about other stories. Funny ones. Serious ones. Gross ones. All of them. I'm not so much seeking out advice, I'm more looking for community. I'm not the first person to walk this line ... lets share our stories :-)

1 comment:

  1. and if a 14 year old girl is propositioning a 12 year old boy there is a good chance she is being abused too! Didn't you mention the boy above and the girl are brother and sister?