Cooked Food Blues

Another update.

I mentioned a couple of blogs ago that we were adding a little bit of cooked food back into our diets. Our reasons for doing so were centered around the kids. They were beginning to become obsessed with cooked food. Talking about it all day, wishing they could have some, playing "chef" and making many cooked options, pretending their raw foods were cooked alternatives, etc. So, we decided to add a bit of "healthy" cooked foods back into our lives in hopes of preventing them from rebelling against healthy food all together. Nothing crazy or extravagant, just a little bit. Sandwich things (vegan deli slices, vegan condiments, organic bread w/no sugar), rice, beans, and that's really about it.

Well, that was about a month and a half ago or so, and we're all sick! After that first week or two, we all started sniffling and coughing. Mucous overload!!! And it hasn't gone away. We were raw vegan for a year, and none of us were sick during that time. Add in a bit of cooked food, and bam, we're all stuffed up with snot and phlegm for the past month. Coincidence? I don't think so.

I just don't know what to do. Nick and I haven't said anything about it, because we don't want to influence their thought pattern right now. We want to know honestly how they are feeling about this. All three of them do know that it is the cooked food that is making them sick, and we want to hear how they feel about that, without any urging or influence from us. Larson, our oldest (9 1/2) says he's over it. He doesn't want any more cooked. His words... "This whole cooked food thing sucks, it made us all sick, I don't want it anymore". The other two, however, are not ready to be done. When they're having a coughing attack, they're all for giving it up, but as soon as that passes for a 20 minute stretch, they decide a little bread wouldn't be so bad.

As parents, it's our job to make decisions, no matter how tough, in order to keep our children safe and healthy. If you know there is something that is making your kids sick, you make sure to avoid it, right? We know, without doubt, that cooked food is causing sickness.

Maybe it really is that easy. Then again, maybe it's not.

Our reasons for adding cooked foods back in haven't changed. We really do not want to give our children a complex about food. We don't want them feeling so deprived and obsessed, so that they start to lie, sneak around, and rebel.

We have a lot of thinking to do... as for right now, we haven't had any cooked for the past week. We'll see what happens.

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Shining Through

I suppose it's time for an update, eh?

Things are getting better. They're not "perfect", not even close, but better.

The night of July 2nd, into the morning of July 3rd Nick and I had a pretty gut wrenching, emotional conversation. What came out of that was a decision to try marriage counseling, moreso because of the kids then anything else. We decided we needed to take this one last step to try and fix us because our kids deserve nothing less then BOTH of us trying EVERYTHING. I know a lot of people don't agree with making decisions based on the kids, but I do. These boys didn't ask to be here. They didn't ask for their parents to let their marriage get so bad. And they certainly don't deserve the impact of divorce without both their Mom and Dad doing everything under the sun to prevent that. No amount of telling me otherwise will change my mind about that. It's what my gut tells me, it's what my heart tells me, and it's what my head tells me.

It's been a little over 3 weeks since that conversation, and honestly, things are better between us now then they have been in at least 4 years. We've had a few pretty heated arguments during the past 3 weeks, but we were able to hash them out before they turned ugly ... a skill we had lost during the last several years. We've been pretty happy together during this entire 3 week stretch, which quite frankly, I didn't think was possible anymore. As sad as it is, our last several years together were mostly spent in anger and solitude. If we were happy for a two day straight period - that was like, the best! And the "best" didn't happen too damn often. How sad is that? We both became so accustomed to pushing the other away, putting up walls, and playing both the blame game and the "prove it" game.

Yes, it took the kids to, in a sense, make us feel "forced" into giving this one more shot. That was a common goal that we share. That was what connected us again. That was what got our heads back into the game. Nick and I do still love each other - completely. We do want our marriage to work. No, not FOR the kids, but yes, the kids were the main (and maybe only at the time) reason we decided to try again. You have to do what works.

Our first counseling session is on Monday, and honestly, I'm a bit nervous. I'm a pretty open book with my feelings. Nick knows just about everything I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it, what I need from myself, from him, etc. During these past 3 weeks he is absolutely MUCH more open with me, which is no easy feat for him, but I'm still fearful that there is so much more inside of him that he hasn't let out yet. Things that can and will hurt me, him, us. It just has my nerves all up in arms right now... but, if there are things in there, no matter how hurtful, they do need to come out so that we actually have a chance. So as nervous and fearful as I am, I'm also very optimistic and filled with hope!

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It all boils down to ...

it bends
it twists
it sometimes hides
but rarely does it break
it sustains us when nothing else can

hope is a wonderful thing
something to be cherished and nurtured
and something that will refresh us in return
and it can be found in each of us
and it can bring light into the darkest of places

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