March 1, 2017

Sweet Surrender

This past weekend was full of naked vulnerability, in every possible way.

I busted out of my cocoon last year, and felt the sun warm my wings. My entire perspective continues to heighten & widen in such a way that I catch myself standing in jaw dropped disbelief so very often. Fuck; life is beautiful. All of it. Every pain and every joy.

This past weekend, circled with a group of sisters that each touched my heart in such profound ways, I reflected. I feel such a detachment from everything that isn't here. Isn't now. Isn't this moment. But there is a history there even if it doesn't necessarily feel like mine anymore. Maybe it's not mine. Maybe it never was. The illusion of reality, of time, of space. The disillusion of our perspectives. And then the pure oneness of *all... at the very least that history, that past, it belongs to us all. It is interesting, though, to dig back in my mind's archives and recall bits and pieces that so beautifully highlight my bloom. 

From a time in my early 20's when I experienced such paralyzing depression and anxiety. Leaving my house wasn't something I did. Ever. Truly, ever. To this past weekend where I packed up my camping gear and headed out, alone, to circle up with a group of women I'd never met before... and without a second thought, even. I wanted to go, so I went. A simplicity that I didn't even consider being so incredibly beautiful until I reflected on the contrast. 

From a time where I had such walls up and rejected anything spiritual as my perspective had it all boxed up with religion, and I, with heels dug in, "didn't believe in religion", to the undeniable experiences that have awakened me to see, feel, and honor the spiritual being that I am, have always been, for all of eternity. Choosing to nourish and continue intertwining my spiritual consciousness with my human experience more intimately through this weekend's Shamanic retreat. Soul work; oneness, delicious ascent. 

From a time where the stories planted in my head rang so incredibly loud with warnings about women, how they can't be trusted, ever, ever, and the validation that those stories were hungry to grab at when infidelity entered my marriage... again and again. To feeling so completely safe within this tribe of women before ever even arriving on the property. And moreso, feeling so fully safe and held in the larger global tribe of women. My sisters. My tribe. Reflections of myself. 

This past weekend we held each other, we lifted each other, we celebrated each other, we laughed, we cried, we cooked, we crafted, we danced, we chanted, we connected, and we sweat. A LOT. The physical manifestation of every thing we were ready to shed. The power of united release vibrated through my entire being; ripples of which are still physically being felt within me, days later. Will continue to be felt within, I'm sure, until forever.

Such Sweet Surrender.