August 1, 2013


So I'm going to skip the whole "oh wow, it's been so long since I've last blogged. I miss it. Time to get back into it". Oh wait... that basically summed it all up right there.

Okay ... Movin' on ... To Boobs!

Yes. Boobs

Reference photo as exhibit one.

These magical squishy pieces of flesh amaze me. A lot. So I love boob talk. I love boob play, too.  Because of this I've never had a problem remembering to or giving myself breast exams on a super regular basis.  Yay me.

This is not always the case for women, and I often ponder why. Probably more often then you would guess. Haa. If you're one of these women please do enlighten me. They're boobs. Boobs are fun. Play with em! Are you coupled up? What about your spouse/significant other? Maybe enlist them to boob duty at least once a month. Because really ... my husband likes boobs. My boobs in particular. He'd likely note any growth before I would, and without any official enlistment even. Oooh, that's an idea. Are you competitive? Make it a competition. Each month ... who ever remembers to officially check first wins something cool. Who doesn't love to win cool shiz!

A sweet Mama friend recently discovered something in her breast tissue. Testing is in progress. Love and light are being sent. But dammit ladies ... Go Play With Your Boobs! Catch that little something before it has a chance to really escalate into a big something.

And with that this lady is going to go soak in a GIGANTIC hotel tub. And by GIGANTIC I mean a regular ol' plain sized tub. But after more then a year of a 4 inch lip of a 2 foot wide tub I have in our tiny RV shower (which actually is pretty luxurious in the RVing world), this regular ol' plain sized tub looks like it's going to Swallow.Me.Up. Easily. And probably play with my boobs while it does it, heh!

I'm out!

March 19, 2013

Rape Culture

I don't know how to start this, so I'll just get right to it.

I was raped when I was 15.

I knew immediately it was wrong and I called the police. An officer (just one) showed up to take my statement. After reading over my account of what happened, he asked me what I thought was going to happen when the man (a man, a 31 year old man who I worked with) knocked on my window. He asked me what I thought was going to happen when I made the decision to go outside and take a walk with the man in the middle of the night. He asked me what kind of message I thought I was giving to the man that made him believe sex with me was a probable.

The officer left my house when the only answer I had to any of his questions was tears.

I immediately talked myself out of it being rape. Told myself thing like:

"it's my fault I let it go so far in the first place",
"I didn't say no loud enough",
"I did make the decision to go with him. I have to take responsibility for that",
"I kissed him. I wanted to kiss him. I must have wanted more",
"it wasn't violent, so maybe it wasn't really even rape".

On and on I went until I manipulated myself into believing that 1. it wasn't rape, and 2. no matter, it was my fault anyway. I didn't tell anyone else about it for a long time. Not until after I was married.

That sucks. Everything about it sucks. I was violated twice that night. And I wish I could say "well, that was a long time ago ... our society has changed a lot since then".  But I can't. Sure, it was about 18 years ago, but not a whole helluva lot has changed. Our culture still puts more pressure on a person to not GET raped, then it does to NOT RAPE! Our society still likes to point fingers, humiliate and blame the victim (she shouldn't have been drinking, she shouldn't be wearing that, she shouldn't have gone off with him, etc etc etc). It's sick. And twisted. And fucked up!

I have obviously been following the Steubenville rape trial, and it is clearly triggering some shit in me.
A lot of feelings. Anger and disgust. Compassion and love. Frustration and rage. The whole thing is heart wrenching. And I feel it for all involved.

My compassion and empathy for all of the people involved in this is strong and unwavering.

But that compassion and empathy does NOT mean that I think both of the rapists, and every single witness that did nothing, should have lesser consequences. It does not mean that I am excusing their actions, and decreasing their blame. They made a choice to use a 16 year old girl for their own amusement. They dehumanized and humiliated her. They used her as a prop. They raped her. And they laughed about it. They cheered about it. They bragged about it. People who were witness to it took video of it. Photos. Sent them to social media sites. Laughed and encouraged. Each of them made a choice. And they are responsible for the consequences of those choices.

It's horrifying. The rape. The onlookers who encouraged it. The witnesses who did nothing to stop it. And while the courts determine their consequences (consequences that reach the fullest capacity as allowed by law, I would hope) ... we have to ask ourselves why? Why were so many of these kids ok with this? Why did no one do anything to stop it? Where are we failing our children? What responsibility do we, as a society, as a culture, have in this? I think everything. I think this horrific incident lies on all of us.

And I know that opinion is pissing a lot of you off. I'm ok with that. I'm ok pissing people off (shocker, right?) for the shit I believe in.

When an entire group of kids didn't feel that what was happening to this 16 year old girl was considered rape ... we've got more work to do. Especially considering the fact that this isn't an isolated case. This exact scenario is playing out in schools all across the country. Dolling out consequences to the specific individuals involved in this case is extremely important! Make no mistake. But feeling compassion, empathy, understanding to get us to ask ourselves the tough questions is just as important. Taking responsibility and fighting for the changes that will propel our culture forward is paramount.

Don't rape!
A simple concept.
A concept that too many are missing right now.
Ask yourself why.
And then do something about it!

March 7, 2013


If you follow my instagram and/or facebook feed you already know that I am crazy ass excited about joining the dōTERRA team. (and if you don't follow my instagram ... why the hell not?!)

One more time,
for redundancy's sake,
I'm flipping excited as all get out about joining the dōTERRA team!

I've used essential oils in one way or another for years. We've always used store bought oils, because, well, they're convenient, some are organic, and I just didn't know other options existed. We've had great success with some things, and have been really disappointed in others, which would often discourage me. Because of this, my oil love would comes in waves. When a new concern would arise, I'd look into healing with oils first, always. I've always been so drawn to them. But if the oils I could find in my local HFS didn't seem to be creating the healing I was hoping for, I'd shelf the oil, and look into other natural healing methods. Wash, rinse, repeat. Over and over again. Never thinking, hey ... maybe the brand of oil I'm using is affecting the results (or lack there of).

Enter a massive migraine one night while in the Keys. I was at my wits end! I get these migraines often enough that I knew nothing I've ever tried works. Which means nothing we had in the house was going to work! I was in pain. And pissed. And I just wanted some western medicinal pill to make it all go away! Alas, we don't have any prescription drugs. We don't even have any over the counter drugs in the house. Nick asked me if I wanted him to ask friends that were in the campground with us (Tara Wagner) if they had anything for headaches, and I'm telling you ... if looks could kill; he'd have imploded right there on the spot! I whisper screamed at him (because, you know, loud noises intensify the migraine pain) that I didn't want any stupid fucking oil; I wanted something that was going to WORK: and if he wasn't interested in being helpful, then he should just GFH (ahem, go fuck himself)!!! He blinked a few times, gave me a hug, said he'd take care of it, and backed away slowly. lol.

When he returned with oils I was ready to cut a bitch.
And cut a bitch HARD!

He was on his way to the store for some other items, so he told me he was going to pick up some kind of over the counter pain reliever (yea, "some kind of" ... thats how long it's been since we've used conventional medicine; we don't even know whats out there anymore, lol), so in the meantime I could try the oils, or I could just lie in the dark and wait for him to come back.

I thought about being stubborn and difficult, and just lying there pitying myself.
And then I thought a little harder about it.

Annnnd then I decided to give them a try. Why not. I had nothing else to do. And some fancy little toxic pills were coming my way soon. AND they weren't even my oils to "waste". There was really nothing to lose.

5 minutes later I could feel my the pain lessening. Whaaa?!??

I kept concentrating really hard, trying to focus on the pain (who does that? lol), sure that it was still just as strong ... I just had to "remember" the pain. Bring it back up, ya know. Yea, no, the edge was definitely gone. Gone! In 5 fucking minutes!

I could still feel a distant pain the remainder of the night, but holy bejeezus ... it was incredible. And then I woke the next morning to nothing. Not a single iota of lingering pain (these migraines usually linger for a day or two). That.Is.Remarkable. I sat in bed again working to concentrate on some non existent pain. Trying to find it. So sure it HAD to be there. It wasn't. It was completely gone!

Sold, Sold, Sold, SOLD!

I joined the team a week or so later with the intention of only being a personal user. I had no desire to get into the "business". And then my kit showed up, and I started playing around with some of the other oils. The feel, the smell, the affects of every single one of these dōTERRA oils is so superior to the same oils of other brands, and the cost is comparable (sometimes even less) then the oils so many of you are already buying. I believe so, so, so deeply in this product, and I am proud to promote them to every single one of you!

You can access my personal store here!
Browse around and get a feel for the products.
And then either comment below or send me an email for questions, advice, tips, tricks, samples ...
Yes, I said samples!
Lets Chat!

In the meantime, I know this is really short notice, but a good friend and team member of mine is putting together a Question and Answer conference call TONIGHT at 8pm Eastern. We would love for you to join us. Learn about these oils. Ask questions about specific issues. Listen in for inspiration. One lucky caller will win a Free dōTERRA Intro Kit! You don't want to miss THAT!

Access the info for that call  here

February 20, 2013

The Big Chill 13

and it only took us 4 hours to come up with that instagram tag...
Lucky for us thecraycrayclan was taken!
And even more lucky; we were talked out of thefreesomethreesome!

We met in person only 5 short months ago, but the connection was instantaneous. These families are amazing. The men are goofy, the kids are spunky, and the women... they have a solid place in my soul. We're different in a thousand and one areas, but we're very much kindreds.

Hear that Tara and Heather? ... we're Kindreds!
Kindreds, I tell ya!

Anyway, we all met in the flesh at Wide Sky Days.
It was there that we decided to make a date for the FL Keys this January to kick off the New Year.

After knowing each other only 4 days.

How often is it that you met someone new, say something generic like "we should totally get together for such and such", and "such and such" just never comes to fruition? This plan we hatched at Wide Sky Days ... I wasn't just talking pipe dreams. I was absolutely stone cold serious about making it happen; and holy hell ... the families that were "hatching with us" were stone cold serious, too! Wa (of wapama) already had reservations there for the month, so we knew exactly where and when we were going. And the amazing connection we all had fueled our motivation to get us there. Come hell our high water... we were getting to our tribe!

The two full time traveling families (Wa and Pa) kicked it up in the Keys for the entire month of January... one of the perks of living wherever we're parked, haaa. The family that relies on a sticks and brick job (Ma) had only a week there (no matter how much pleading we laid on them to stay longer), but it was a great week!

It was just so comfortable and relaxed. No faking, just realness. We each had our shit surface at least once or twice, at our respective times (thank the universe we weren't all riding the grouch wave at the same time, lol), this tribe is just so ... comfortable. I don't know another word to use. It's so easy to be exactly who we are around each other.

When you find people like that ... soak it in.
And nourish that shit!

We talked, we swam, we watched sunsets, we enjoyed the floating crabs wafting around, we snorkeled, we toured, we art journaled, we looked for crocs, we ate, we drank, we hugged, we laughed, we laughed, we laughed. We encountered Manatee.

Oh wait, that last one was just me!
;-) lol

We nourished the relationships that were born 5 months ago. 
And I cannot wait to see these families again! In April.

Or maybe sooner...
remember guys, my house has wheels, watch your driveways!

In the meantime ... lets relive the magic with a slide show of our time together!

photo credits: nick paul, tara wagner, justin wagner, heather mattern, caleb matter, and me
music: imagine dragons, on top of the world. michael franti, anytime you need me

January 12, 2013

Raise Your Glass

The Big Chill (more of that later *wink*) took on the town last night, 
but actually the town took me on.
Or a single event in the town; that is.

We went out to bar hop, but having only one bar in all of Key Largo (what?!) we big chilled at the Caribbean Club. We danced, we drank, we laughed, we shared stories, we climbed trees, we peed in the ocean.

we witnessed a tragedy...

We noticed emergency lights near the road, so we went to check. My eyes immediately went to a body on the ground. In the middle of the street. Motionless. Paramedics grabbing something from the back of their vehicle. A sheet. In slow motion they unfolded the sheet, flipped the middle into the air, and lowered it down on the body.

The man was crossing the road when he was struck by a car. The car wasn't speeding. The driver wasn't drinking. He was just getting off of work, and on his way home. The man crossing the road, with a cane, may not have been paying attention. Perhaps he thought he had more time then he did to cross. Maybe he chose to be there. We'll never know. Dead. Just like that.

And at the exact moment the sheet touched his body, the biggest, brightest shooting star I have ever seen shot across the sky. At.The.Exact.Moment.

And then tears.
A lot of tears.

I stood there, in the parking lot, crying over a man I had never met. A man whose life was taken so suddenly. Did he have a family? I cried for the emergency personal who would have inform that family of the tragedy. What a heartbreaking job. I cried for the man who was driving the car. I can't imagine the feelings he will go through for the remainder of his life. Does he have a family? I cried for my Tony. Who left me, left all of us, far far too soon. I felt my body shaking. I collapsed into Nicks arms, feeling such an overwhelming sense of grief. Tears burning my cheeks.

That shooting star.
So amazingly beautiful.
So serene.
So very poetic.

We went back into the bar, raised a glass, and hugged.

Life is short, yo.
So, so, so damn short.
Live it up, Raise your glass, and Love with your entire fucking hearts ...
every . single . second