August 21, 2017

... never more sweet a gift

I'll cherish most from us the reflection of myself that I was able to see through you, in you, from the vantage point of you... and my love, yours has been my most favorite. 

I love the way you loved me. 

The way you you touched my face as your eyes took me all in, like you were seeing the most beautiful thing in the world. 

I love the way you saw the rainbow of color of my bright shining soul, and your want to hear the stories that led me there. 

The way you'd smile as you watched me playing in a park, like you were overcome with so much love and gratitude seeing me wild and free and so incredibly in love. 

I love the way your energy would shift when I looked at you. 

The way you'd look at me as I spoke about my spirituality and belief in all-the-things, especially the super natural, and then ask questions to illicit an even further opening of myself. 

I love the way you saw my hidden fears and called me on them. 

The way you invited me to show up in my truth, all of it. 

I love the way your face softened when I'd smile. 

The way you'd reach for my hand, breathe into my neck, and pull me so close, like you needed to feel as much of me against you as you could. 

I love the way you craved me. 

The way you loved my body; every curve, every scar, every dimple, every wiggle, and how you spoke both so sweetly and so passionately about it so often with me. 

I love the sadness I saw reflecting in your eyes, the pain I felt around your heart, the fear that shackled your soul; for they were mine, and through you I saw how immensely beautiful and holy and timed I am. 

The way your entire being leaned into my touch. 

And I love that your eyes lit up so very bright the moment I saw you across that Starbucks parking lot. 

Ooh, sweetness, I was able to fall in love with myself so much deeper through you; through your eyes, the reflections you showed me, the way you loved me. 

Thank you, my love. Never more sweet a gift.
Farewell, you 💫

March 1, 2017

Sweet Surrender

This past weekend was full of naked vulnerability, in every possible way.

I busted out of my cocoon last year, and felt the sun warm my wings. My entire perspective continues to heighten & widen in such a way that I catch myself standing in jaw dropped disbelief so very often. Fuck; life is beautiful. All of it. Every pain and every joy.

This past weekend, circled with a group of sisters that each touched my heart in such profound ways, I reflected. I feel such a detachment from everything that isn't here. Isn't now. Isn't this moment. But there is a history there even if it doesn't necessarily feel like mine anymore. Maybe it's not mine. Maybe it never was. The illusion of reality, of time, of space. The disillusion of our perspectives. And then the pure oneness of *all... at the very least that history, that past, it belongs to us all. It is interesting, though, to dig back in my mind's archives and recall bits and pieces that so beautifully highlight my bloom. 

From a time in my early 20's when I experienced such paralyzing depression and anxiety. Leaving my house wasn't something I did. Ever. Truly, ever. To this past weekend where I packed up my camping gear and headed out, alone, to circle up with a group of women I'd never met before... and without a second thought, even. I wanted to go, so I went. A simplicity that I didn't even consider being so incredibly beautiful until I reflected on the contrast. 

From a time where I had such walls up and rejected anything spiritual as my perspective had it all boxed up with religion, and I, with heels dug in, "didn't believe in religion", to the undeniable experiences that have awakened me to see, feel, and honor the spiritual being that I am, have always been, for all of eternity. Choosing to nourish and continue intertwining my spiritual consciousness with my human experience more intimately through this weekend's Shamanic retreat. Soul work; oneness, delicious ascent. 

From a time where the stories planted in my head rang so incredibly loud with warnings about women, how they can't be trusted, ever, ever, and the validation that those stories were hungry to grab at when infidelity entered my marriage... again and again. To feeling so completely safe within this tribe of women before ever even arriving on the property. And moreso, feeling so fully safe and held in the larger global tribe of women. My sisters. My tribe. Reflections of myself. 

This past weekend we held each other, we lifted each other, we celebrated each other, we laughed, we cried, we cooked, we crafted, we danced, we chanted, we connected, and we sweat. A LOT. The physical manifestation of every thing we were ready to shed. The power of united release vibrated through my entire being; ripples of which are still physically being felt within me, days later. Will continue to be felt within, I'm sure, until forever.

Such Sweet Surrender.