March 19, 2013

Rape Culture

I don't know how to start this, so I'll just get right to it.

I was raped when I was 15.

I knew immediately it was wrong and I called the police. An officer (just one) showed up to take my statement. After reading over my account of what happened, he asked me what I thought was going to happen when the man (a man, a 31 year old man who I worked with) knocked on my window. He asked me what I thought was going to happen when I made the decision to go outside and take a walk with the man in the middle of the night. He asked me what kind of message I thought I was giving to the man that made him believe sex with me was a probable.

The officer left my house when the only answer I had to any of his questions was tears.

I immediately talked myself out of it being rape. Told myself thing like:

"it's my fault I let it go so far in the first place",
"I didn't say no loud enough",
"I did make the decision to go with him. I have to take responsibility for that",
"I kissed him. I wanted to kiss him. I must have wanted more",
"it wasn't violent, so maybe it wasn't really even rape".

On and on I went until I manipulated myself into believing that 1. it wasn't rape, and 2. no matter, it was my fault anyway. I didn't tell anyone else about it for a long time. Not until after I was married.

That sucks. Everything about it sucks. I was violated twice that night. And I wish I could say "well, that was a long time ago ... our society has changed a lot since then".  But I can't. Sure, it was about 18 years ago, but not a whole helluva lot has changed. Our culture still puts more pressure on a person to not GET raped, then it does to NOT RAPE! Our society still likes to point fingers, humiliate and blame the victim (she shouldn't have been drinking, she shouldn't be wearing that, she shouldn't have gone off with him, etc etc etc). It's sick. And twisted. And fucked up!

I have obviously been following the Steubenville rape trial, and it is clearly triggering some shit in me.
A lot of feelings. Anger and disgust. Compassion and love. Frustration and rage. The whole thing is heart wrenching. And I feel it for all involved.

My compassion and empathy for all of the people involved in this is strong and unwavering.

But that compassion and empathy does NOT mean that I think both of the rapists, and every single witness that did nothing, should have lesser consequences. It does not mean that I am excusing their actions, and decreasing their blame. They made a choice to use a 16 year old girl for their own amusement. They dehumanized and humiliated her. They used her as a prop. They raped her. And they laughed about it. They cheered about it. They bragged about it. People who were witness to it took video of it. Photos. Sent them to social media sites. Laughed and encouraged. Each of them made a choice. And they are responsible for the consequences of those choices.

It's horrifying. The rape. The onlookers who encouraged it. The witnesses who did nothing to stop it. And while the courts determine their consequences (consequences that reach the fullest capacity as allowed by law, I would hope) ... we have to ask ourselves why? Why were so many of these kids ok with this? Why did no one do anything to stop it? Where are we failing our children? What responsibility do we, as a society, as a culture, have in this? I think everything. I think this horrific incident lies on all of us.

And I know that opinion is pissing a lot of you off. I'm ok with that. I'm ok pissing people off (shocker, right?) for the shit I believe in.

When an entire group of kids didn't feel that what was happening to this 16 year old girl was considered rape ... we've got more work to do. Especially considering the fact that this isn't an isolated case. This exact scenario is playing out in schools all across the country. Dolling out consequences to the specific individuals involved in this case is extremely important! Make no mistake. But feeling compassion, empathy, understanding to get us to ask ourselves the tough questions is just as important. Taking responsibility and fighting for the changes that will propel our culture forward is paramount.

Don't rape!
A simple concept.
A concept that too many are missing right now.
Ask yourself why.
And then do something about it!

March 7, 2013


If you follow my instagram and/or facebook feed you already know that I am crazy ass excited about joining the dōTERRA team. (and if you don't follow my instagram ... why the hell not?!)

One more time,
for redundancy's sake,
I'm flipping excited as all get out about joining the dōTERRA team!

I've used essential oils in one way or another for years. We've always used store bought oils, because, well, they're convenient, some are organic, and I just didn't know other options existed. We've had great success with some things, and have been really disappointed in others, which would often discourage me. Because of this, my oil love would comes in waves. When a new concern would arise, I'd look into healing with oils first, always. I've always been so drawn to them. But if the oils I could find in my local HFS didn't seem to be creating the healing I was hoping for, I'd shelf the oil, and look into other natural healing methods. Wash, rinse, repeat. Over and over again. Never thinking, hey ... maybe the brand of oil I'm using is affecting the results (or lack there of).

Enter a massive migraine one night while in the Keys. I was at my wits end! I get these migraines often enough that I knew nothing I've ever tried works. Which means nothing we had in the house was going to work! I was in pain. And pissed. And I just wanted some western medicinal pill to make it all go away! Alas, we don't have any prescription drugs. We don't even have any over the counter drugs in the house. Nick asked me if I wanted him to ask friends that were in the campground with us (Tara Wagner) if they had anything for headaches, and I'm telling you ... if looks could kill; he'd have imploded right there on the spot! I whisper screamed at him (because, you know, loud noises intensify the migraine pain) that I didn't want any stupid fucking oil; I wanted something that was going to WORK: and if he wasn't interested in being helpful, then he should just GFH (ahem, go fuck himself)!!! He blinked a few times, gave me a hug, said he'd take care of it, and backed away slowly. lol.

When he returned with oils I was ready to cut a bitch.
And cut a bitch HARD!

He was on his way to the store for some other items, so he told me he was going to pick up some kind of over the counter pain reliever (yea, "some kind of" ... thats how long it's been since we've used conventional medicine; we don't even know whats out there anymore, lol), so in the meantime I could try the oils, or I could just lie in the dark and wait for him to come back.

I thought about being stubborn and difficult, and just lying there pitying myself.
And then I thought a little harder about it.

Annnnd then I decided to give them a try. Why not. I had nothing else to do. And some fancy little toxic pills were coming my way soon. AND they weren't even my oils to "waste". There was really nothing to lose.

5 minutes later I could feel my the pain lessening. Whaaa?!??

I kept concentrating really hard, trying to focus on the pain (who does that? lol), sure that it was still just as strong ... I just had to "remember" the pain. Bring it back up, ya know. Yea, no, the edge was definitely gone. Gone! In 5 fucking minutes!

I could still feel a distant pain the remainder of the night, but holy bejeezus ... it was incredible. And then I woke the next morning to nothing. Not a single iota of lingering pain (these migraines usually linger for a day or two). That.Is.Remarkable. I sat in bed again working to concentrate on some non existent pain. Trying to find it. So sure it HAD to be there. It wasn't. It was completely gone!

Sold, Sold, Sold, SOLD!

I joined the team a week or so later with the intention of only being a personal user. I had no desire to get into the "business". And then my kit showed up, and I started playing around with some of the other oils. The feel, the smell, the affects of every single one of these dōTERRA oils is so superior to the same oils of other brands, and the cost is comparable (sometimes even less) then the oils so many of you are already buying. I believe so, so, so deeply in this product, and I am proud to promote them to every single one of you!

You can access my personal store here!
Browse around and get a feel for the products.
And then either comment below or send me an email for questions, advice, tips, tricks, samples ...
Yes, I said samples!
Lets Chat!

In the meantime, I know this is really short notice, but a good friend and team member of mine is putting together a Question and Answer conference call TONIGHT at 8pm Eastern. We would love for you to join us. Learn about these oils. Ask questions about specific issues. Listen in for inspiration. One lucky caller will win a Free dōTERRA Intro Kit! You don't want to miss THAT!

Access the info for that call  here