if i could just

Posted by meli on Tuesday, January 27, 2015 in meli-ness, mental heath, poetry | No comments

lying on the cold grass in the midst of chaos
mind swirling with disconnected thoughts
can't make sense of a single one
hands cupping the sides of my head
hard
putting pressure on my temples
hoping to disrupt the turbulence inside
if i could just slow it
if i could just slow it

looking around for distraction
anything to get out of my own head
helicopters flying high above
truck breaks screeching from behind
plastic bag rattling in the trash can
overwhelm
sensory issues causing sharp pulsing through my body
arms wrapping around tight
if i could just calm it
if i could just calm it

turning my gaze to a towering tree in front of me
searching for grounding
eyes fixated on a single piece of bark
the way it's pulling away from the trunk
veering off of it's projected path
yet still holding strong to it's foundation
connected
what happened to it
did trauma push it away
why is it fighting so hard to stay
if i could just hear it
if i could just hear it

sadness washes over me
a chill claims my spine
tracing the tree up to it's highest branches
many dead leaves still hanging on
vulnerable
will they know when it's time to let go
have the courage to fall into the unknown
do they know that by setting themselves free
rebirth is attainable
if i could just talk with it
if i could just talk with it


feels so incomplete . this writing . left to sit all afternoon . waiting for more words to find their way . some type of closure . sense making . end . nothing more came . incomplete is it's complete. no, there's no irony in that...