i choose love

Posted by meli on Wednesday, November 09, 2016 in finding myself, social justices and controversial topics | No comments

As so many of us are working to make sense of the outcome of this presidential election, I, too, am turning to the written word as my outlet.

There was a time in my life that I would have been Angry. Disgusted. Vulnerable. Helpless. And I would have taken those powerful emotions, and turned them into blame. I would have blamed those that didn't vote. I would have blamed those that voted third party. I would have blamed those with so much hate in their heart, and greed in their veins, that they would willing choose to support someone like Trump.

I would have blamed, and cried, and blamed, and cried.

I would have turned to the written word to call-out each and every one of them. Expose them. Shame them. Expect answers. Expect apologies. Expect.

Going into this election, I would have been driven by fear. I would have been working tirelessly to prevent what I didn't want. And in the end, I would have berated myself for not doing more to prevent this. For seeing hindsight so clearly, and being so naive to not take "the right" action(s) sooner. I would have victimized my own perceived shortcomings. I would have blamed myself. Outed myself. Shamed myself. Publicly. Privately. I would have let this define me in this moment.

I haven't said much publicly about this election. But I did write this yesterday ...

• "I may have been quiet about it (shocker 😉), but yes, I did vote. It was a struggle for me. I've mostly shielded myself from social (or otherwise) media platforms in regards to this election, but the bits that have leaked through indicate this struggle was/is widely felt. I've always held the (strong!) belief that our votes are sacred and ought to be used wisely. The dominant two party system we have in place ensures the guarantee that either the republican or the democratic nominee will win. You may not like either of them, and there may be a third party nominee that you more closely align with, but you must use your vote wisely. Pie in the sky antics will at best be a wasted vote, at worst be the equivalent of a vote for the "other" side. The scarier side. The "oh hell no" side. I've written blog posts about this belief. There was no one that could reason me out of it. And then... this election. There has been so much fearful energy circulating. Even through the protective bubble I set up, my empath soul was feeling SO incredibly heavy with it, from every direction. Causing my head to race; and confusion set in. I breathed. I meditated. I walked. I danced. And the fog lifted. My heart, this time, not allowing me to make choices based on, or out of fear. I choose love. It's all we have. We may not see the *direct results of that this election, but as our global consciousness continues to re-awaken, however slowly, love will eventually triumph over fear. Thats what I live. That's what I choose. That's what I vote.  #election2016 #chooselove #notfear  #loverising#wevegotthis #bethechange #love"

I choose love. I chose it yesterday when I voted. I chose it last night as I watched the results coming in. I chose it as I woke this morning to the check mark indicating that Trump, did in fact, win this election.

I cried.
and I chose love.

My gut feels like it's been punched. My muscles sore from universal tension. My skin aching to even hold on. My eyes blurry and trying to "wake up". And yet, I understand this outcome. I don't agree with it. But I understand it.

As a whole, our people are fed up. We are all so completely fed up with our current political system. I share that opinion wholeheartedly. And while I choose to act, react, and express my utter dissatisfaction in very different ways, the message, when you get right down to bare bones, is the same. We're DONE! We want change!

And because I know just how easy it was for me in the past to launch myself into the blame pit when something as seemingly big as an election not only didn't go in my favor, but instead favored the side that I was working SO hard against. The side that I was sure was "wrong". That I was sure was "ignorant". That I was sure was going to damn us all to hell, and corrupt our planet, and kill our neighbors, and fuck our kids over. The side that was "my enemy". Because I know how strong those feelings can be, needing to get them out, put them somewhere, anywhere, I understand the uprising of someone like Trump. We are a nation of Fed Up people, many, right where I used to be, ready to blame and shame and out, and he gave us many targets. If you didn't like or share the opinion of one target, there was another just around the bend that might grab you. Not that one either? Not to worry, there's another. And another.

Fed Up people.
blaming and shaming and trying to make sense.

We acted and reacted in very different ways.
Different pieces of our hearts, our egos, our perceptions were triggered.
We all hold lights and shadows inside of us.
Fear and Blame surfaced in some.
Love and Unity surfaced in others.
All in the name in change.
We're ready for it.
We want it.
And this election proved that we are now demanding it... even if very poorly executed.

Common Ground, it's there, even if you have to dig really, really deep to feel it.

I choose love.

I'm not naive, or lacking in compassion for the real fear that so many of my brothers and sisters in this country are feeling today. Felt yesterday. Are prepared to feel tomorrow. Have felt for generations. Those wounds passed down. Healing so desperately needed. Begged for. I can't fully to my depth understand just how deep and blood stained those rivers run. I feel you. My heart so deeply feels you. I'm not a christian, and I have a vagina ... but the whiteness of my skin grants me many protections in this country. I know that. My sexual orientation and gender based identity grants me more as well. I know that. Being a Mama to just boys grants me certain safety and calm. I know that, too. I can be disgusted that that kind of privilege exists, but that doesn't erase it. This election threw a giant spotlight on just how indisputable and far reaching our fear based separations still go as a nation. And I cannot fathom the depth of it for you. But I can extend love. I am safe to do that. And you, my brothers and sisters, are safe with me.

I choose love.

We have been given the opportunity to open our eyes to the extreme depth of darkness, fear, and separation that still runs rampant in our nation. And we can shine our lights on it.

The power resides in the people; not the establishment. Somewhere a long the way we gave that power away, and we are now demanding it back. Lets start with that common thread, build from that common ground. 

Fear will not win.
Not for me. 
I won't let it.

I choose love.

In love we will rise up.
In love we will overcome.
In love we are all one.

I choose love.