December 13, 2007

Day 19 Juice Fast/Feast

Posted by meli on Thursday, December 13, 2007 in , , , , | 1 comment
I had a REALLY bad day, yesterday! I have been trying to stay so positive for the last 2 weeks. Often telling myself that I was happy, even though I wasn't. Telling myself that I was enoying this juice feast, when I really wasn't (the first week was GREAT, but the last 2 have NOT been AT ALL). I SO wanted to just feel all postive, and happy, and centered. I hated that I wasn't feeling that way, so I tried to convince myself that I WAS, and I hoped it would rub off. Well, it didn't, and it all came to a boil yesterday.

I came to the conclusion that perhaps my body was telling me it was time to stop the feast. I was so stressed, and on edge, and just frazzled ... and that really negated the purpose of juice feasting. So, after many days of turning those thoughts over and over in my head, I decided it was time to break the fast. I started eating some foods yesterday evening.

It all went downhill (well, further down hill) from there. I was a crying, sobbing, heaving, throwing things, kicking the walls, MESS!!! Serioulsy, I was hysterical! I told my husband I didn't care about him, and I wanted a divorce. All the while I was telling myself to stop saying such hurtful things, because I didn't mean them, but the words just kept coming out of my mouth!

After about an hour of trying to convince him to leave, I finally broke down into tears again, and tried hard to explan everything to him. Explain everything I have been feeling for the past 2 weeks, and explain the reasons why I *think* I was acting the way I was acting.

I think I'm still emotionally detoxing. I didn't have a great childhood, my marriage has had more then it's share of struggles, I've personally struggled with both depression and anxiety, yada, yada, yada. There are A LOT of emotions there that need to be purged, so why is it SO hard to just surrender to that, and accept/ackowledge that that is what is going on?

Ugh!

My husband made me a huge juice last night after we talked, and I felt so much better after that!!

Day 19 *juice* Consumption
12 ounces - spinach/apple
34 ounces - spinach/apple/pear/pineapple

1 comment:

  1. ShannonDecember 15, 2007 at 10:33 PM

    Melissa,

    Wow, you're going through some emotional detox alright!! But don't let that make you quit. You're doing great!!! Remember what the end result will be! I'm so proud to see you make it this far and can't wait to see you go even further.

    I feel like my throat has been slit with a knife! Its terrible...and makes me want to quit..but I keep reminding myself of the end result.

    Sending you love!! ~shannon~

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