February 11, 2012

Lessons in Disrespect & Shame

Posted by meli on Saturday, February 11, 2012 in , | No comments
So the whole "Dad shoots daughters Laptop" was going to just go fairly unnoticed by me. I saw the headline while browsing online news sources, and I was all "wtf", and moved on. I didn't feel the want to read it; the headline alone told me all I needed. "Not going to read that, check". I didn't see the article pop up all over my Facebook feed (like some others did), so I essentially forgot about it until later in the evening when I was catching up on blog reading. It. Was. EVERYWHERE! 

I found myself forming pretty strong feelings about this incident, and yet ... I still hadn't watched the video myself. I didn't like the way that felt, so I decided to watch. Have a basis for my opinions (or have my knee jerk assumptions be blown out of the water), I suppose. 

My stomach still hurts. It was hard to watch. Now I didn't read any follow ups from this family, but apparently there have been some ... I don't know. I don't care. My opinion is of the video; not of the daughter admitting she "deserved it", or anything else that came after. 

I was still going to just "stay out of it". It triggered so much in me, that I felt it best to just leave it alone. So many were proudly praising this Father. Patting him on the back. Laughing along. My triggers were being pushed - HARD ... "just walk away". And I did. Last night. 

And then for some damn reason this morning I decided to read the comments of another bloggers post, and one line from some random person set my fingers a blaze. 

"...love the fact that you have a home with a daddy and mommy that loves you enough..."

“lucky to have a home with a daddy and mommy that loves you enough …”
Are our children supposed to wake up feeling lucky and grateful to us if we “love them enough”. 
Stop having negative thoughts, feelings, expressions of us if we “love them enough”. 
Never question or complain about their role in the family (or anything else) if we “love them enough”. 
It ridiculous, selfish, disrespectful for them to ever feel, and then express their unhappiness/discontent for what *they* believe is unfair treatment? 
Sit down, shut up, and feel what I want you to feel? 
To do otherwise is considered entitlement?
If so, I can honestly say my children are entitled out the ass … 
My love and respect are expected by them.
They don't feel "luck" in their day to day lives to be shown that love and respect. 
They, for the most part, "take it for granted". 
Entitled little bastards they are!
and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

*I* invited these children into my life; into this world. It is *my* job to show them unconditional love and respect. And in the unconditional love and respect, it is my job to give them the space and freedom to maneuver through this life questioning and answering their role in it. The freedom to feel whatever it is they feel; free from fear of “losing my love” (because they’re supposed to feel lucky to have it, right?). My children know they can come to me if they feel I (or Dad; or anyone else) is treating them unfairly. They are allowed to come and vent out their grievances about us (or anyone else). We listen. We talk. We come up with solutions together. We respect them … they show it right back. Funny how that works. If I refuse to give my children that safe place to constructively and “respectfully” express their feelings; what right do I have to get upset that they express their anger else where? Hell, even if I didn't give my children a safe place to express their feelings; what right do I have to get upset that they are expressing them elsewhere! These are *feelings* we're talking about. People are allowed to have feelings. That isn't just a right reserved for adults. You can't control what your child (or anyone else) feels.

Bottom line … 
this Father didn’t like or approve of the way his daughter expressed her anger and discontent.
After watching the video, and seeing *him* express *his* anger in the *exact same way* there’s no question where she learned it from, is there? 
She gets punished for the expression / he gets praised. Nice.

***you can read Tiff's blog post on freeplaylife ... stop before the comments if you have sensitive triggers like me ;-)


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