Sunday's Sonbird post this week shall be renamed Super Late Monday Melodies and/or Super Super Early Tuesday's Tunes ... due to the whirlwind of crazy going on around here.
He didn't leave.
Nick.
He came in for Rylan's birthday...
and he didn't leave.
A couple of hours after he arrived he told me he wanted this family whole and fighting to make it.
I told him I was already feeling whole, I was happy and moving on, but I told him I'd think about it; we celebrated Rylan's birthday (indoor waterpark hotel fun, ftw!); and a couple of days later I told him I wanted the same. A few hours before his flight the next day he said he wasn't going back.
We're down here in California for Wide Sky Days right now.
Some poolside football and freeze tag has already ensued.
With dancing.
A whole lotta dancing.
Which, lets be honest, has been mostly me shaking my ass while my kids clap and shout "get some, mom ... Get.Some"
And the unschooling party hasn't even started yet.
Cannot.Freakin.Wait
More on this awesomeness later!
I'm damn sure many are thinking I'm an idiot. And I love you people for that. Truly... love the fuckity fuck out of you. We have 15 years into this thing; and the chemistry between us is crazy stupid intense ... there's no denying it. I'm in a much better mental place. I know who I am. I know what I want. He's gone through his own personal growth during this separation. Time will tell if our love, chemistry, and desire to hold on will stand the test. So, I may be an idiot, but I'll be the idiot who went down fighting. I'm cool with that ;-)
And in the meantime ... I wont settle, and I sure as fuck wont be jumping into any one's boxed up version of who they need and/or want me to be. I've flown that coop; and there's no way in hell I'll be wrangled back in. Love me for me ... all of me!
And now; I'm going to bed!
Love Me Anyway ~Amy Steinberg
i wanna tell you the truth
about how I feel
i wanna give you my love
but I've got to be real
the truth is i'm scared
to let you in
cause I don't wanna go
where i've been
i know this could be different if I just let go
but before we take flight it's only right i let you know
i get down right depressed sometimes
and yes I am a goddess,
but I can be unkind
throw up my hands and just quit trying
i'm a human with emotions
i sure can cry
but love me anyway
come on and love me anyway
love me anyway
come on and love me, love me
honesty is hard
we all hide sometimes
i'm gonna take off my mask
and show you who i am inside
i know this could be different if i just let go
but before we take flight it's only right i let you know
i get down right depressed sometimes
and yes I am a goddess
but I can be unkind
throw up my hands and just quit trying
i'm a human with emotions
i sure can cry
i get frustrated
and of course i can be wrong
my best can fall short
and my worst can last too long
come on baby
love me anyway
come on and love me anyway
love me anyway
come on and love me, love me
lover i see you
when you're sitting on your phone
lover i see you
when you think you're alone
you get down right depressed sometimes
and yes you are my baby
but you can be unkind
throw up your hands and just quit trying
you're a human with emotions
i've seen you cry
you get frustrated
and of course you can be wrong
your best can fall short
and your worst can last too long
and i am gonna love you anyway
i'm gonna love you anyway
i'm gonna love you anyway
so love me, love me
yea
love me anyway
come on and love me, love me
i'm gonna tell you the truth
about how i feel
i'm gonna give you my love
but i got to be real
truth is I'm scared, so scared
to let you in
cause i don't wanna go
where i've been.
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(((I think you're magnificent)))
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you. Your life is yours to live, so don't worry about what people think (I don't think you do anyway!). Your story is so similar to mine, first the man decides he wants to separate, then the woman picks herself up and decides "ok then I need to move on and keep on living", then the man comes back and decides his family is where he wants to be. I just lived all this, from this past March to the current day. It's great to be a whole family again but it can be difficult at times still. I have been crushed by this experience and I'm not myself anymore. I wish you the best and the courage and strength you might need too.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your time together. ♥
(((hugs))) not an easy road we're on ... but so very worth it!
DeleteThis bumps and turns will add to the beauty of our stories <3
Is it cheesy that I want to put a little heart at the end of every post because I have no words other than, Love <3 ?
ReplyDeleteIf so, we'll be cheesy together! <3
DeleteI don't think you're an idiot. I think you're amazing and strong and that you are doing what is right for you. You're very strong and you have a core of strength there that you didn't know you had before he left. He'll think twice about playing with you again. <3
ReplyDeletewhat makes you happy makes me happy - quite simple xo
ReplyDelete