January 26, 2010

Tumbleweeds... Wild and Free

Posted by meli on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 | 2 comments

Sitting at the kitchen table, listening to my 4 men run around in the cool afternoon air, I feel very blessed. Very fortunate. Very full.

My life is good. No, my life is spectacular!

We're on the cusp of some big life changing events. Whether we want them or not; change IS going to happen. It's inevitable at this point. In approximately a year, give or take 6 months in either direction (this med board stuff doesn't give a very clear or definitive time line, lol) everything that we've known for the past 13 years will be gone, and we'll be forced to begin our new chapter somewhere doing something. This can be, and has been, a pretty scary reality. A reality that that has left me short of breath and full of anxiety countless times. A reality that is hard to "plan for" when the process of this (being medically retired) is, and will continue to be, so up in the air until the last few weeks... last month or two maybe, if we're lucky. We wont have clear answers about disability payments, benefits, medical care, what's required of him etc until very shortly before getting the boot. Lack of information coming in really does make it hard to make a plan that we feel secure with. You can understand the trepidation and fear that has often overwhelmed us to the point of near paralysis.

My thoughts are shifting. My mind is opening. My walls are expanding. In the very near future we will have ... Freedom! I know that sounds rather cliche, but really, being forced to make these changes that we've talked about wanting to make for years... this is a gift. A fork has been chucked down upon our road, and going straight has been blocked off. Staying on this same path is no longer an option. We're being forced to make the changes we have often wished we had the courage to make. Total and complete freedom to decide if we make a proverbial left or a right. This is a gift. A gift we must acknowledge, embrace, and not take for granted.

Our time is now.

We can get out, move back "home", line up a new career for Nick, carve out a little spot for us in a good neighborhood, find family with local homeschoolers, volunteer in the local community, and I'm sure be really happy.

Or ...
We can grasp this opportunity to live our dreams. To not settle. To push the envelope, break free from the mold, and embrace our passions. Our dreams are at our fingertips, right there, ready to be born. Ready to be turned into reality.

Are we courageous enough to accept this gift?
I'm beginning to think we are, and the butterfly in the stomach feeling I have right now tells me that pushing through the fear in order to make this happen is going to So Effing Rock!

I think I'm going to move my photo-a-day blog over here... combine the two.
That should really help my blogging efforts stick this time!
So, go ahead and start looking forward to THAT! lol


  1. can't wait to hear what you have in mind! we miss you guys...give the boys our love. unfortunately, the fickle MJ said tonight at dinner that she has decided not to marry Owen. don't worry though, she'll change her mind tomorrow. Love from the Gilliams!