Posted by meli on Thursday, March 11, 2010 | 2 comments
What does it mean to be Happy?I mean, really, what does it mean?
Obviously I can pull out the dictionary and get a literal definition of the word, but that's not what I'm after.
So what am I after then? I don't really know, actually.
Nothing really, I guess. I'm not after anything. That might be the point.
What I do know is I don't feel happy. I don't feel joy. I don't feel contentment.
I feel sad. I feel scared. I feel anxious.
What I am wondering, though, is if I'm content with feeling so much discontent?
I mean, I'm not making changes to my environment that would better able my body, mind, and soul to reach levels of happiness that I am just not able to reach in my current environment.
I'm not making those changes.
Why?
Content with being discontent?
Yes, I guess so.
Driven by fear. Controlled by feelings of being too weak.
Anxiety is powerful.
I do smile, sometimes.
I do laugh, sometimes.
I do feel joy, sometimes.
Is that a version of happiness? A "settled happiness", perhaps?
I don't know.
Is sometimes enough?
No, it's not. But maybe I'm not, either.
It's a pretty good snapshot of the human condition. I've had those days (weeks, months, ....). I get it. Other days the smiles come easier. Maybe tomorrow. Peace.
ReplyDeletei feel ya...there are days when I feel the same way. what I do to snap out of it is to look at the thing i am truly grateful for. My Kids...a loving husband.Sometimes stopping what I am doing and playing w/ my kids changes my mood. I have 3 boys (all under the age of 7) and times the future can be scary and unclear, but then when I think of something that makes me happy or what I want my future to be, i genuinely feel this feeling of happiness come over me. to the point when i actually get goose bumps. I find myself doing that every day, through out my days and it works and the greatest thing is that over the years, what i envision in my mind becomes my reality. Hang in there
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