I touched on some childhood stuff in my last post, and I wanted to elaborate a little bit on one particular part... My Mom.
It's true, we didn't have a very healthy relationship while I was growing up, but I have long since moved forward from that. The emotional issues still creep back when facing a similar situation, but I don't associate/blame the experiences and feelings I am facing in my life right now to/on my childhood. I make a comparison in order to give a more complete picture of my life. I record the feelings I had back then because they are a part of me. I'm changed for life as a result of them... but they're not the cause of the turmoil and struggles I face today. I am a lot more sensitive, my buttons a lot easier to find, but those old wounds are healed. As healed as they can be, anyway.
My Mom didn't have the easiest of lives, either. She had me when she was really young. She was in a bad place in her life, and she made choices that weren't good for either of us... but I don't judge her for that. I used to. I used to harbor a lot of resentment, and judgement about the the life she had given me, given us. I used to feel robbed, jilted. I used to feel it was her fault I was as fucked up as I was (promiscuous, anorexic, bulimic, suicidal, etc, etc...), but I don't anymore. I grew up. I took control of my life. I forgave.
And honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. My strength grew unbreakable from my childhood experiences. My unyielding compassion and empathy for other people is as fierce as it is because of my childhood experiences. I have a level of understanding that runs so very, very deep because of my childhood experiences. My heart is so open and my forgiveness so wide because of my childhood experiences. I am the woman I am today because of the life I have lived, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
My Mother has taken control of her life as well. Moved forward from the past mistakes she made. Forgave herself. Apologized to me. And she's doing good now. WE'RE doing good now. Not without struggles here and there, but please, who is?!
I love you, Mom!
photos, top to bottom, are from 1979, 1994, 1997, 2009, 1999
omg, Meli - you used to be a blonde! Although I have yet to meet your mom, she did an amazing job raising you, despite life's setbacks....you both are amazing women.
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