Posted by meli on Tuesday, July 03, 2012 in celebration, family, marriage, mental heath | No comments
So, rainy state USA... the ONE day I actually want it to rain you're not going to produce for me? That, my friend, is not nice!
I've been looking at tomorrows forecast all week, and not once has it changed from a big, shiny, smiling sun. Staring right at me. Every other day has shifted from sunshine, to sprinkles, to all day rain, to sunshine, to rain, to... But for tomorrow it shows nothing but sun, baby. That's good, right?
No, I want rain! Lots of rain. Downpour, pelting, zero-visibility RAIN!
I'm having a hard time with the impending Fourth of July holiday. It's the first holiday he and I shared together, just 5 weeks after we started dating. Not only our time in the military, but also the hits our marriage took over these past several years has caused us to spend a lot of holidays, birthdays, special occasions apart ... but something always aligned just right so that we spent every 4th of July together. Actually, July 1998 is one I can't remember spending together, but I can't remember spending it apart either. I was pregnant with our first, and I'm really not sure what happened that year - foggy brain. Since I met him, though, I can't remember spending a 4th without him.
We've had great ones, sucky ones, and every kind in between. He was hit by a car one 4th. We drove to three different cities to catch the big show for another. We were shuttled in one year, and then missed the last bus going out so authorities had to radio one of the drivers (on his way home) to come back for us. We were huddled under bleachers with several hundred military privates one year because of a massive thunder & lightening storm ... the sky was simultaneously lit with fireworks and lightening. It was amazing. We've spent the day with parades, concerts, festivals. We've watched on rooftops, on car tops, on beaches, in meadows, in fields, in parking lots, on the side of roads, in 7 different states. With the decline of our marriage... these past few years we've had some pretty big fights on and around the 4th, but we were always together.
This year will be vastly different, and I'm not dealing with it well. Probably because the kids aren't dealing with it well. They also don't know a Fourth of July that didn't include all of us. They're not sure if they want to even partake in any 4th festivities, or if they just want to skip it this year. I know that if we decide to skip out, we'll probably be sad and disappointed that we missed a day that is so special to us. We love fireworks. We love live music. We love partying it up. We could go and have a fabulous time. We could go and just end up crying the entire day. I don't know.
I know life goes on, and eventually we're going to have to come to terms with that ... I just don't know that we're ready to do that yet. Hence my plead for rain. It's the easy way out, I know, but it would be nice to not have to be in this position right now. I'd like for Mother Nature to go ahead and take care of this shit for me. RAIN, dammit, and then we can stay home guilt free.
Rain! Please rain!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment