July 8, 2012

Sunday's Songbird ... If I Didn't Have You

Posted by meli on Sunday, July 08, 2012 in , | No comments
Music and Comedy...
Yes, please!
And more of it!

This dude fucking cracks me up. And because my songbird choices have been a big pile of relationship-y crap lately, I thought it only fitting that I throw this one in the mix. Sure, the reference to childhood sweethearts made my stomach turn and I wanted to puke, but it makes me laugh more then vomit, so ...

And you can't just listen to the song; I chose this version so you get to listen to the skits both before and after the song, too ... because, you know, if you won't, someone else will.

If I Didn't Have You ~Tim Minchin
yeah, yeah
if I didn't have you

if I didn't have you to hold me tight
(if I didn't have you)
if I didn't have you to lie with at night
(when I'm feeling blue)
if I didn't have you to share my sights
(share my sights)
and to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry

well I really think that I would...
have somebody else

(if I didn't have you)
if I didn't have you
someone else would do

your love is one in a million
(one in a million)
you couldn't buy it at any price
(can't buy love)
but of the 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves
statistically, some of them would be equally nice
(equally nice)
or maybe not as nice but, say, smarter than you
or dumber but better at sport or fucking tracing
i'm just saying
(i really think that I would)
(have somebody else)


(if I didn't have you)
if I didn't have you
someone else would do
(someone else would surely do)

if I were a rich man
i guess I would be with a surgeon or a model
or a rellie of the Royals or a Kennedy
or a nymphomonical exhibitionist heiress to a large chain of hotels
if I were a rich man,
maybe I would fiddle
fiddle-diddle-diddle with the rich man girls

i'm not saying that I'd not love you if I was wealthy or handsome
but realistically there's lots of fish in the sea
and if I had a different rod I would concievably land some
even though I am fiscally consistantly pitiable
and considerably less Brad Pitt than Brad Pitiful
am I really so poor and ugly that you think only you could possibly love me?
and I
(really think that I would)
(have somebody else)


(if I didn't have you)
if I didn't have you,
someone else would do
(someone else would surely do)

and look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say
that given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of "fate"
it's obtuse to deduce that I've found my soulmate at the age of seventeen
it's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
i happened to stumble on the one girl on Earth specifically designed for me
and if I may conjecture a further objection,
love is nothing to do with destined perfection
the connection is strengthened,
the affection simply grows over time
like a flower
or a mushroom
or a guinea pig
or a vine
or a sponge
or bigotry
... or a banana

and love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience
and the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy or... something

so I trust it goes without saying
that I would feel really very sad
if tomorrow you were to fall off something high
or catch something bad
but I'm just saying
i don't think you're special
i-i mean, I think your special
but you fall within a bell curve
i mean, I'm just saying I
(really think that I would)
(have somebody else)

i think you are unique and beautiful
(unique and beaut)
you make me happy just by being around
(being around)
but objectively, you would have to agree that baby when I found you
options were relatively thin on the ground
(thin on the ground)
you're lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
and maybe more open to spanking or fucking table tennis
i'm just saying
(really think that I would)
(have somebody else)

i mean I reckon it's pretty likely that if, for example
my first girlfriend, Jackie, hadn't dumped me
after I kissed Winston's ex-girlfriend Neah at Steph's party back in 1993
and our variables would probably have been altered by the absence of that event
to have meant the advent of a tangential narrative in which we don't meet
which is to say there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life
where what is is not as it is and I am not your husband and you are not my wife

and I am a stuntman living in LA
married to a small, blonde Portuguese skier
who, when she's not training
does abstract painting
practices yoga
and brews her own beer
and really likes making home movies
and suffers neck down alopecia

but with all my heart and all my mind,
i know one thing is true
i have just one life and just one love 

and, my love, that love is you
and if it wasn't for you, darling you

(really think that I would)
(have somebody else)


(if I didn't have you)
if I didn't have you
do do do do do
someone else would surely do doe do doodle do do ya mother fucker,


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